There is a language that we all speak, but few are
conscious of: the language of our bodies.
When we are talking to others - either face-to-face, or
from the front of the room, our posture, gestures, eye
movements and general demeanor communicate far more
than our words.
It is said that women interpret up to 80% of the
meaning of a conversation by non-verbal means. Men fall
a bit behind and 'only' rely on non-verbal clues for
about 30%. However, in either case, if you are
unconsciously giving out the wrong signals, the meaning
behind your intended message will be weakened or lost.
Body language is a vast, fascinating subject, but from
a business point of view, there are several pointers
that can help to strengthen your message. The aim is to
match your audience's unconscious template of what
makes a person trustworthy and believable.
Try out these five tips and see if they help you:
1. Personal space. Everybody has a personal space
threshold. Generally, Americans and Northern Europeans
prefer to stand about a meter (3 feet) apart. People
from Southern European and Asian countries are
comfortable a little closer. Folks who live in rural
areas like a little more space. Social situations allow
closer proximities than non-social.
Be aware if the person you are talking to is backing
up, and try not to intrude on their territory.
Otherwise the reaction will be defensive or hostile.
2. Eye movements. Many people are nervous about making
eye contact - it is vital to overcome that fear if you
want to be respected and believed. An evasive or
indirect gaze sends out a strong signal of
untrustworthiness.
When speaking to a room full of people, it is essential
that you allow yourself to make - and maintain for a
few seconds - eye contact with everyone in the room,
over and over.
++++++++++ True Story ++++++++++
I was recently invited to America to give a
presentation to about forty business people, few of
them known to me. The meeting went well and I made as
much eye contact as possible. Afterwards, a guy who had
been sitting off to my left came up to me and thanked
me for a useful and entertaining talk. Then he said
something strange: he apologized for offending me.
Puzzled, I assured him that it wasn't so, and asked why
he thought so. This is what he said:
"Oh, I had a very late night last night, and after you
had been talking for twenty minutes or so, I couldn't
help myself yawn. After that, you didn't make any eye
contact with me for the rest of the session, so I
figured I'd upset you."
The truth was, I hadn't seen the yawn. He had been
sitting just outside my comfortable visual area, and I
had been concentrating on eyeballing everyone else in
the room so hard, that I had missed him out.
I gave him a lot of attention he went away happy. But I
couldn't help think that that guy might have been the
most important person in the room and I could have
blown the whole trip with that stupid act of
inattention.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
3. Appearance. It seems old-fashioned to talk about the
need to be 'well turned out', but the axiom that 'you
don't get a second chance to make a good first
impression' is as true today as ever.
Experts say that the first five seconds of a meeting
are more important than the next hour. Check all the
obvious things like hair, teeth, fingernails, shoes,
breath, immediately before the meeting. But also make
sure you are putting on your best front, well in
advance.
Even if the dress code is casual, there is a world of
difference between dirty jeans and a crumpled T-shirt,
and freshly laundered casual trousers and a polo shirt.
Remember - dress to respect yourself and you
automatically respect your audience.
4. Hands. Your hands are like semaphore flags. They
send a message whatever position they are in.
Take a look at prominent politicians - they almost all
use their hands to reinforce their words. Whether it is
a chopping motion, like John F. Kennedy, or an open
handed gesture like the English Prime Minister Blair,
they are all intended to send visual signals directly
to the right-brain of the listener to augment the words
which normally address the left-brain.
One of the things I am asked most often when teaching
presentation skills is 'what do I do with my hands?'
The easy answer 'just be natural' is not only
unhelpful, but also completely wrong. You have to think
of your hands and arms as every bit as important as the
charts and slides you are presenting.
There are five places your hands can comfortably be:
In your pockets. Don't do it! It might feel natural,
but the signal this gives is anything but. You will
look uncomfortable, casual and unsure of yourself.
Clasped behind your back. This looks aloof and
superior, and should be avoided.
Relaxed, by your side. This feels very unnatural to
most people, but actually looks good to the audience.
It makes you seem to lack tension.
On your hips. This is a very positive position. It
sends out a message that you are comfortable and self-
assured. Don't overdo it. This stance is best used at
moments when you stop speaking and are allowing the
audience a moment to absorb your message.
Gesticulating. Learn the messages that your hands
convey and use them to emphasize your points: an open
hand denotes honesty; a closed fist, aggression or
evasion; a pointing finger, hostility. Also be aware of
cultural differences. The American thumb and forefinger
gesture meaning 'okay' may be insulting in Denmark.
5. Read the room. You are not the only one who is
communicating non-verbally. Learn to recognize the
unconscious signals that your audience is feeding back
to you.
A tilted head and direct eye contact indicates
attentive approval.
Raised eyebrows and forward-leaning posture denotes
attentive alertness.
Indirect gaze, accompanied by pen or finger biting
show uncertainty.
Folded arms can indicate hostility.
A hand to the chin show that you are being summed up.
Finally, learn constantly. Whenever you watch a
presenter, try to work out why they are good or bad.
Every time you make a presentation, try to detach
yourself and see how you can be even better next time.
And remember, applause doesn't always mean you are
great - the audience might be being polite, and gentle
snoring from the back of the room doesn't always show
that you need to work on your technique - the CEO
probably just had too good a lunch!
About the Author
Martin Avis publishes a free weekly newsletter:
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