Well darlings,
Before I kick off I'll just mention the response to last week's idea of decriminalising drugs, and the legalising and licensing of brothels - both because the current laws only make matters worse for society as a whole. There was a hefty e-mail response - nearly all supporting my arguments - with only three strongly in opposition, and strangely all three apparently more concerned about the brothels than the drugs.
I can only hope that the three objectors have seen the news where the police raided Cuddles, a massage parlour in Hagley Road, Birmingham and rescued nineteen women who are thought to have been tricked into being brought into the country only to become sex slaves. During the day they were locked up in a house and at night they were forced to work at the parlour.
This is just one such place in just one part of one city, and in that single case there were nineteen abused women involved - just how many more are there likely to be nationwide? Properly run licensed brothels with girls being registered and undergoing regular health checks would put an end to this trade in human misery. Under the law any massage parlour offering "extras" would have to be licensed as a brothel or be closed. At present prostitution is probably the largest entertainment business in the country - it's certainly the oldest - and possibly it's the only business there is without any regulations, inspections, or licensing at all. I still say legalise it, inspect it, and you could even tax it - for those who use these kind of businesses they would still likely find them to be cheaper than supporting the pimps - and they would certainly be a damn site safer for all concerned!
If our three objectors were amongst those nineteen unfortunate women, I guess they might see the argument in a different light! As for nobody wanting to live next to brothel - they wouldn't have to. The councils would only issue licences for appropriate areas. What's wrong with putting such places in the old deserted streets with boarded-up shops? Most towns have areas like this where a bit of life wouldn't go amiss. Seedy? What's seedy? With all its red lights Soho might be called seedy - but look how popular and financially rewarding the place is with its multi-millions of visitors every year.
Anyway, what's new? Well, I see that government ministers have come under pressure following the recent GCSE results showing what has been described as a "catastrophic" decline in the taking of French and German - both down by around 14% despite more than 90% of the people polled across Britain saying that they thought learning another language was an important part of a child's education.
Apparently people living in the South East are more likely to have attempted to learn a foreign language than those in the North. We're told that 78% of Londoners have tried to learn another lingo, whilst in Wales and the Midlands the figure is 65%, falling to only 61% in the West Country. In Scotland they say that 74% have tried conquering another language, with some 78% of the population wishing that they could speak one fluently. English perhaps, darlings? Tae ken the rantings o' the eejit an crabbit Sassenachs? Eh? What's that? "Thalla gu Taigh na Galla!"? What's that mean?
The day that we can all understand each other perfectly, the day the nations of the world can speak in one tongue, is the day that there will be fewer disagreements and wars. At the moment nations sign treaties with other nations - and then spend years arguing over what they mean! Whatever happened to Esperanto? It's over a hundred years old, yet few people have learnt it. I know it has its faults, and its critics - but at least it is common to all. Esperanto should be compulsory for all school-children the world over and then one day the planet will have a common language that in time will develop and mature naturally - in the same way as have all other languages. We have the answer - why do we keep asking the question? Had this language been internationally adopted a hundred years ago then by now every person would be able to communicate perfectly with every other person, no matter where they were in the world. They say that every journey starts with a first step. Darlings, on this journey that was made over a century ago. Isn't it time we now moved the other foot?
Now, if I mention: Lessonia and Laminaria, do you know what I'm on about? Are you perhaps thinking they might be a comedy double act, a couple that you may have missed on X Factor, or a pair of opera singers? Actually they are seaweeds - and like it or not you might soon be getting intimate with them.
British scientists have discovered that fast food (junk food that is high in fat and calories) can be made healthier by adding extracts from exotic seaweed. Believing that this will be "a valuable weapon in the international battle against obesity, diabetes, heart problems and diseases such as bowel cancer" they suggest the seaweed should be processed to produce alginate and then added to food in order to enhance its fibre content.
Yes folks, this is another additive to that stuff we once called food. What food manufacturer is going to turn down the opportunity of replacing even more of the item, that given the chance we'd really like to eat, with yet another additive - especially one that comes so highly recommended and is supposed to do you good?
We should all know by now that fibre is good for you, and that meat doesn't contain any fibre (that's why we eat vegetables with a meal), but when I choose to eat a burger or a hot dog (or any other junk food) I still want what I'm paying for, and that is decent meat in a bun - preferably bovine and not equine! I do not want to have to eat all this other rubbish that they commonly put in our food - and to which they now want to add seaweed. With a burger there is some fibre in the usual accompanying salad, but I suspect very little in the pathetic, pappy and boring bun that normally incases it all. So why don't they make the buns with more fibre if they are so concerned about our health? The fibre is already there naturally in the wheat to start with - it's only been processed out.
A well balanced diet of good food needs nothing added to it, and the occasional junk food meal won't harm anyone. People should be educated, informed, and then left to make their own choices - not force fed. If as much effort was put into marketing good food as is wasted on advertising all the junk that's out there now then we'd be a much healthier nation. In my mind if anything needs seaweed added to it to make it safe to eat then perhaps it shouldn't be out there in the first place!
AS MUCH AS NON-SMOKERS OBJECT TO PASSIVE SMOKING, I STRONGLY OBJECT TO HAVING TO SUFFER ADDITIVES TO MY FOOD JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE CHOOSE NOT TO EAT HEALTHILY! PERHAPS THE REAL ANSWER LIES IN OSTRACISING THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO EAT UNHEALTHILY, JUST LIKE WE HAVE THE SMOKERS, AND NOT IN ANY FURTHER PLAYING AROUND WITH OUR FOOD!
So many things, additives, that we are forced to eat today come without any knowledge of the dangers that they may hold in the long term. To say that there is "no evidence" that something is harmful to you is not the same as saying it is safe - not by a long way! We ought to be erring more on the side of caution. It should always be remembered that today's experts all too often turn out to be tomorrow's idiots - and we have the whole history of all human life to look back through as proof of that statement, for no country or civilisation has ever been spared its share of such idiots!
Moving on, it may be a little early to bring this up, but that will only give you more time to sort out the deck chairs, polish the binoculars, and perhaps organise an alien themed party. On November 7th Mars' orbit will bring the planet as close as it will be at any other time during the remainder of the 21st century. It will be a mere 40 million miles from our Earth.
I have to thank the Swindon Advertiser (the best on-line local newspaper that I've found - check it out and see how it should be done!) for telling me that down south near my old stamping ground the Wroughton Science Museum, just outside Swindon, is to hold a 500-capacity evening spectacular entitled `Mars, Meteors and Mulled Wine' to observe and celebrate this astronomical phenomenon. Wonderful! I don't know of anything similar happening up here in the north - but what a great excuse / theme for a party, isn't it?
The "Adver" tells us that Mars is the fourth planet from the sun and the seventh largest; it is 142 million miles from the sun (49 million miles further than the Earth); its diameter is 4223 miles (3,703 miles fewer than Earth's); it has two moons to our one; and that Mars is not only the god of war but also the Roman god of agriculture. What it doesn't tell us is that he might yet become the god of Scotland too - once the Scots find out that some of the agriculture Mars undoubtedly looks after is that strange seaweed to be found in the Far East, South America, parts of Norway and off the coast of Scotland! I can already hear the well-oiled voices shouting: "It's ours, it's all ours! Get back you Sassenachs; get back!"
Finally, flying in the face of logic I see that a Dutch witch has won her battle to make the cost of her brooms and spell-making lessons tax-deductible. Magic! And in another story the German police are warning motorists that sucking a Fishermen's Friend might get them into trouble - didn't we already know that? Oh, I see - it's not what I thought! They are merely explaining to motorists that the essential oils contained in some throat sweets react in the same way as alcohol on hand-held breathalysers and may cause a test to show up as being three times over the legal limit.
That's nice to know, isn't it? If you've had a pint there are better things to chew on than a menthol sweet to camouflage the smell of alcohol! I mean, you could try seaweed! "Hello, hello, hello. Do I smell something fishy here? Have you been drinking?" "No officer, I wouldn't do that - I'm a man of fibre!"
Oh well, perhaps not!
See you all next week...
"The Bitch!" 1/10/05.