Healthy Eating Myths Shattered

Comments (16)


Healthy Eating Myths Shattered

By: Dr. Jamie Fettig

Salt does Not Cause High Blood Pressure. Some things you need to know first to fully understand blood pressure, as well as helping you to understand about many other things in your body: The difference between average and normal.

Average is a mathematical statistic. Don't let that big M word scare you. All average means is that you add up all the totals you have and divide by the number of totals you added. This gives you an average of the group of numbers.

Normal is what is right for an individual, or what is common or appropriate for each particular person.

What the medical profession does is make the average normal. They measure a bunch of people's blood pressure, divide the added totals by the number of people they measured, and come up with an average blood pressure. And then they say this is the normal blood pressure for everyone.

I will let you in on a little secret. If you had the blood pressure I have at this exact moment, you would probably pass out. If you had the same blood pressure standing as you did sitting, you would probably pass out. Your blood pressure changes all the time, all day long. Your normal blood pressure needs to be different than everyone else's. You need the right blood pressure for you at the right time. If you had the average blood pressure all the time, you probably would be dead by now.

So what do you do with this? Take all the numbers the doctors give you with "a grain of salt." Just because their charts show that you Ashould be@ in this range does not mean you actually should. You are different than everyone else. Your normal might be outside of the range of average that they go by and still be perfectly healthy for you.

So your Ahigh blood pressure@ might very well be normal for you. And if it is actually too high for your normal, salt really has nothing to do with it.

Again the medical profession came up with a theory and never really tested it before they released it as Atruth@ on the world. Someone said that salt attracts water, and blood has water in it. So if you get rid of some of the salt in the blood, then there will be less water in the blood as well. And if there is less volume of blood, the pressure will have to be less. That was their theory and they began telling people to eat less salt thinking it would lower people's blood pressure. No real tests, no real studies, and yet believed to be true by many.

Here is the real proof it is garbage. Try and find one person whose blood pressure decreased because they quit eating salt. You will be very hard pressed to find one person. Because eating less salt does not lower your blood pressure. Just like a Diuretic, medications that cause you to release more water than your body wants to from your blood through your kidneys, is often prescribed to attempt to help lower blood pressure. And again, I dare you to try and find people who this has helped.

You see, the body is so much smarter than we are. Many more internal factors go into what your blood pressure is than how much water you have in your blood. Your Blood pressure is a function of your blood vessels, the stuff in your blood, the muscles in and around your blood vessels, your heart, and so much more. If you force water out of the body, your body will compensate in other ways to keep your pressure at your unique normal. Your body knows best where your blood pressure should be. And until you change one or some of the internal factors (and medications do not count) your body will do everything in its power to keep things where they are at.

Want something that is free and easy that decreases the blood pressure significantly for many people who actually do it? Drink Water. It often is as simple as that and here is a perfect example of why. Imagine some really thick ketchup and trying to suck it through a straw. Versus if you put a bunch of water in the ketchup and mix it up and suck the ketchup through the straw. Does it take more or less pressure to suck the watered down ketchup through a straw? It takes less pressure. Similar with your blood. If your blood is thick and sludgy because you are dehydrated, your body will increase your pressure to force the blood through the little itty-bitty vessels and capillaries.

Actually, your blood pressure is more than this. And drinking water does so much more than make your blood thinner so it flows through the vessels easier. Whatever the reasons, drinking water often lowers people's blood pressure.

About The Author

Fat does not make you fat. I share this and more with you in my free e-course that this article is a part of. Go to http://www.HealthyEatingDiet.com to get the full e-course. Dr. Jamie wants to help give you Permanent Results with his "non-diet." He is also giving you dozens of valuable free gifts to "ethically bribe" you into helping him make his new book, "The Ultimate Non-Diet" a #1 best seller. For details on the book go to: http://www.TheUltimateNonDiet.com/free.

Comments

DAAnewGUY 09.03.2010. 22:28

How often should I feed my cat and how much should i feed it? I am about to buy a new kitten and I don't know how often should I feed a kitten and how many cans of cat food should I buy.

DAAnewGUY

Admin 09.03.2010. 22:28

to read up on feline nutrition, check out http://www.catinfo.org a website run by a vet who studies feline nutrition.

As for the people who have already posted, telling you that dry food is good and good for their teeth, that is a myth that will not die. Dry food does NOT help a cat's teeth. First of all they generally eat it whole, and if perchance they do use their teeth on the kibble, it usually just shatters when their pointy teeth pierce it. It does not help the teeth at all.

It is also too high in plant matter to be considered a healthy diet for a cat or a kitten.

Kittens do a LOT of growing and a LOT of running around, so for the first six to nine months of their lives you can't over feed them. Offer food often, and let her eat to her heart's content. I generally feed young kittens three to four times a day as my schedule permits. if you only have this kitten in the house, you could invest in a timed feeder to dispense food through out the day.

How much should you buy? well you are going to have this cat for the next 20 years, so I'd say you can't really overbuy. If you want to buy just a few cans and see which type of food she prefers, that is your option. I prefer canned food that is in "loaf" or "pate" form. Not the chuncked because it generally has less fillers. Although personally I feed my cats a raw diet

Admin

Aaron 01.05.2009. 01:47

Is it true that wet food is better for cats? I have heard that wet canned food is better for cats than dry food is this true?

Aaron

Admin 01.05.2009. 01:47

Some of these answers are scary.
Dry food does nothing at all to help a cat's teeth. Cats are carnivores. So they have the teeth of carnivores. Which means their teeth are for tearing meat, not for chewing like our teeth. They don't chew dry food, they shatter it and swallow the pieces. Many simply swallow it. So it can never help their teeth.

I can't understand how someone would think their teeth would get too sharp from wet food. Did you think dry food grinds their teeth down? If so, that would be terrible.

Cats expect to get water from their food. If they were eating actual prey that would be the case, but it's not true of dry food. You may think they're drinking enough water on their own, but they actually aren't because they naturally have a low thirst drive.

Ken S always provides good links. They are worth reading. Good quality canned food can help skinny cats gain weight, fat cats lose weight, helps cats manage kidney problems (or prevent them from occurring)... I've recently talked my mother into feeding her 15 year old skinny kitty with kidney problems to feed more wet food. Now that it's most of what he's eating he's put on weight is looking much more healthy.

There are a lot of old myths about the benefits of dry food, but they just aren't true. After you do some reading that should become apparent. good luck!

Admin

rebelrose2480 12.05.2007. 18:33

Are the benefits of dry food a myth? Yes its a myth that dry foods are better for cats teeth. A diet of all wet or a wet/dry combo is better for the overall health of a cat. Not all vets know about nutrition when it comes to pets. Many will tell you dry is best when its really not. Research can be your best friend.

http://www.littlebigcat.com/?action=library&act=show&item=doesdryfoodcleantheteeth

Does Dry Food Clean the Teeth?

By Jean Hofve, DVM

Let's get this one straight once and for all: dry food does not clean your cat's teeth! In fact, dry food really has no benefits for the cat. It is merely a convenience for the guardian. If you haven't already read "Why Cats Need Canned Food", that's a good place to start in your quest for accurate, up-to-date information on feeding cats.

Most cats don't consistently chew dry food; they swallow it whole. Obviously, without contacting the teeth, there is zero effect on tartar accumulation. For cats who do chew dry food, whether consistently or occasionally, there is still little or no benefit. The kibbles shatter, so contact between the kibble and the teeth occurs only at the tips of the teeth. This is certainly not enough to make a difference in the formation of tartar and plaque, which most commonly builds up along (and underneath) the gumline at the base of the teeth.

Keeping your cat's (or dog's) teeth and gums healthy requires a commitment on your part. Daily toothbrushing and regular veterinary cleanings are still important. The labels on even the special "tartar control" diets like Hill's t/d and Friskies dental diet recommend these additional steps. (Of course, brushing daily with periodic cleaning by the vet are sufficient to keep the teeth healthy by themselves, without using a special diet at all!) Dental diets are very different from all other dry foods. The kibbles are very large, and have a different texture than regular dry food.

In my experience as a feline veterinarian, I've probably examined at least 13,000 cats' mouths. There was no real pattern to the dental and periodontal disease I saw. If anything, tartar and gum disease seemed to be more attributable to genetics or concurrent disease (such as feline leukemia or feline AIDS) than to any particular diet. I saw beautiful and horrible mouths in cats eating wet food, dry food, raw food, and every possible combination. Many of my patients initially ate mostly or exclusively dry food; yet these cats had some of the most infected, decayed, foul-smelling mouths I saw. If there was any dietary influence at all, I'd say that raw-fed cats had better oral health than cats on any type of commercial food. However, the overall effect of diet on dental health appeared to be minimal at most.

If your vet still believes the myth of dry food and dental health (which is still actively promoted by the pet food companies despite the utter lack of scientific support for the theory), here are a few references that refute the idea:

* Logan, et al., Dental Disease, in: Hand et al., eds., Small Animal Clinical Nutrition, Fourth Edition. Topeka, KS: Mark Morris Institute, 2000, p. 487. "Although consumption of soft foods may promote plaque accumulation, the general belief that dry foods provide significant oral cleansing should be regarded with skepticism. A moist food may perform similarly to a typical dry food in affecting plaque, stain and calculus accumulation...Typical dry dog and cat foods contribute little dental cleansing. As a tooth penetrates a kibble or treat the initial contact causes the food to shatter and crumble with contact only at the coronal tip of the tooth surface...The kibble crumbles...providing little or no mechanical cleansing...." The author also reviewed two studies on cat "dental" treats which showed "no significant difference in plaque or calculus accumulation with the addition of dental treats to either a dry or a moist cat food." Of course, this book was produced by Hill's, so it heavily promotes t/d. However, although t/d provided a "statistically significant" improvement, when you look at the actual graphs, the difference between Dog Chow and t/d is not impressive.

* "...When comparing dry food only and non-dry food only fed dogs...there is no pattern to the trends (some teeth show an apparent protective effect from feeding dry food only, and others show the opposite -- for calculus index, the trend is protective for all five teeth in dogs feed dry food only, whereas for gingival index it is the opposite, and it is mixed for attachment loss). All maxillary teeth are significantly less likely to be mobile in the dry food only group, yet the mandibular first molar tooth showed the opposite effect." Harvey et al., Correlation of diet, other chewing activities and periodontal disease in North American client-owned dogs. J Vet Dent. 1996 Sept;13(3):101-105. Logan (above) assessed this study as follows: "In a large epidemiologic survey, dogs consuming dry food alone did not consistently demonstrate improved periodontal health when compared with dogs eating moist foods."

* There is an excellent review of the literature by A. Watson (Diet and periodontal disease in dogs and cats. Aust Vet J. 1994;71:313-318). This study is fully of interesting historical items. For instance, one study of cat skulls found evidence of severe periodontal disease in 25% of 80 cats; 75 of the skulls dated from 1841 to 1958, and 2 were from Egypt during the time of the Pharoahs!

* According to the above review, many of the early studies showed less tartar formation with hard dry food vs the same food mixed with water, and similar results were reported in a study with canned vs dry cat foods. In 1965 a study compared feeding raw whole bovine trachea, esophagus, and attached muscle and fat, vs the same food minced. Plaque and gingival inflammation were increased with the minced diet. Even more fascinating, they tube-fed the minced food and found that plaque and gingivitis did not decrease, "showing food did not need to be present in the mouth to induce these changes." In fact, gingivitis tended to increase when dogs were tube-fed, "suggesting that even the minimal chewing required with minced food had some cleansing or protective effect." Minced food is similar in texture to canned food.

* A couple of studies showed that *large* dry food biscuits (not kibble) actually removed tartar, which is probably the theory underlying t/d's oversized chunks. Feeding of half an oxtail accomplished the same thing when fed weekly in another study. (I can just see it now, "Brand X's Tartar Control Oxtails.") The study also noted that "No harmful effects were observed from feeding oxtails to > 200 dogs for > 6 years."

* Gorrel and Rawlings (The role of tooth-brushing and diet in the maintenance of periodontal health in dogs. J Vet Dent. 1996 Dec;13(4):139-143) state that: "In a previous study, we showed that the daily addition of an appropriately designed chew to a dry food diet is effective in reducing accumulation of dental deposits...the addition of the chew to the dry food diet also reduced the severity of gingivitis that developed, compared with the regimen of dry food diet alone." This points out that dry food does not prevent tartar/gingivitis without additional treatment.

* Interestingly, Gorrel states in another article that "The consensus is that supragingival calculus per se is not directly involved in the etiology or pathogenesis of [periodontal] disease, and is mainly of cosmetic significance if plaque removal is adequate." (Periodontal disease and diet; J Nutr. 1998;128:2712S-2714S.)

* A more recent review (DuPont G. Prevention of periodontal disease. Vet Clin N Amer. 1998 Sept;28(5):1129-1145) says, "In some dogs, dry kibble or fibrous diet helps slow plaque accumulation more than does soft or canned food...Other chewing behaviors may be even more important for reducing plaque than is feeding dry food." Not exactly a ringing endorsement of dry food! He cites 2 studies showing Hill's t/d to be effective for "decreasing plaque and calculus accumulation."

* A review of feline neck lesions found no significant influence of diet. (Johnson N, Acquired feline oral cavity disease, Part 2: feline odontoclastic resorptive lesions. In Practice. 2000 Apr:188-197).

These studies show that dry food does not clean a cat's teeth any better than eating pretzels cleans ours! At best, we can say that dry food tends to produce slightly less tartar than canned food. For cats, the benefits of feeding canned food far outweigh any possible dental problems that may result. After all, it is much easier for your vet to clean your cat's teeth once a year than to treat diabetes, urinary tract problems, and other diseases that are either directly caused or aggravated by feeding dry food.

Regular home and veterinary dental care are real keys to keeping your cat's teeth and gums healthy for life.
Your right good quality food is best no matter what way you go. Our Siamese gets Eagle Pack canned twice a day in combination with Timber Wolf Organics Serengeti. Both of which are grain free.

rebelrose2480

Admin 12.05.2007. 18:33

I'm quite a fan of Dr. Hovfe as her articles are very clear, succinct, and I think correct when it comes to feeding cats. I also feel that the canned must be of high quality, not Fancy Feast, Science Diet etc. which use by-product meat.

The teeth issue is also one I feel to be as much genetics as anything else (certainly in my case as a human) and my vets all agree on that. I have a 13 yr old kibble addict and every year the vet looks at her teeth and says, "Well, they don't need cleaning this year - maybe next year." Other cats I have need cleanings every year or every other year. They do eat a raw meat diet and canned food.

If we all ate chips or cereal all day without any milk and only a small amount of water and did not brush our teeth we would have plaque buildup too.

Admin

Shannon 25.02.2010. 10:40

How to encourage chewing in cats? Our Maine Coon recently had a couple teeth taken out due to decay. On a recent checkup the vet told us he was beginning to show signs of plaque again, so he needed to eat kibbles and these special teeth-cleaning treats in order to keep his teeth clean.

However, (we think due to his teeth being sore prior to being taken out), our cat no longer chews his food, instead swallowing everything (dry food and treats alike) whole. So the treats and kibble are obviously not doing him any good.

How do we get him to start chewing again?
His diet is half wet food and half dry - he usually eats the dry a lot faster than the wet but we give him the same amount of each every mealtime.

And the vet did mention teeth-brushing but seemed to think that we would have limited success with that and the treats were the better way to go.

Shannon

Admin 25.02.2010. 10:40

Cats don't chew to begin with. Their teeth are made for tearing. When a cat eats kibble, they do not chew it. If they do chomp down on a piece of kibble, the kibble shatters, then they swallow. The same goes for teeth-cleaning treats. It is a myth that dry food helps clean teeth. Dry food generally has more refined carbohydrate, which causes tooth decay. (Big surprise, tooth decay in cats is caused by the same thing as tooth decay in humans! When you do a crappy job brushing your teeth, does your dentist tell you to do a better job by eating more pretzels?) Cats who eat only dry food still need regular dental care - both at home if you can manage it, and professionally at the veterinarian's. I'm guessing your veterinarian did not advise you to brush the cat's teeth yourself because such advise gets very little compliance on the part of pet owners - the number of people who actually do brush their cats' teeth? Well, I'm not one of them. And not all veterinarians have a good understanding of pet nutrition, because they tend to get most of their nutrition education at events sponsored by Hill's or Iams, both of which load their foods with cheap fillers (i.e. grain).

As for wet food, if carefully chosen to have a high amount of protein and a greatly limited amount of refined carbs, the cat's teeth should be healthier due to not having the carbs causing tooth decay. Plus, the increased amount of water in the food will be healthier for the rest of the cat's body in the long run. As a species that developed originally for desert survival, cats are meant to derive most of their water requirement from the bodies of prey animals. So their thirst instinct is not as well-developed as it could be. A cat fed on dry food will be chronically dehydrated because it simply will not ingest enough water to make up for the lack of liquid in the food - no matter how fresh and appealing their water dish or fountain or leaky faucet or toilet may be.

Admin

kerri c 24.01.2008. 16:44

How can I help my cat lose weight? I have a 2 1/2 yr old male neutered cat. he weighed 12 lbs when I got him (he is a LARGE cat, and was at a perfect weight when I first adopted him at 1 yr. One year later at his vet appointment he weighed 16 lbs! which I know is very overweight. About 6 months after I got him I noticed he was gaining weight so I switched him to a food for overweight/inactive cats. he eats about 3/4 cup of dry food each day. We were told by the vet NOT to feed him any less. He is very playful and has lots of toys that he likes to throw around and chase. He also likes to wind my yarn all around the house! I was told by the vet to try switching him to wet food because it has a high water content, so he gets more food with less calories. I tried several times but he WONT eat wet food. Won't even try it. It was also recommended that I put food upstairs so he has to get some excercise just to get to his food but we don't have an upstairs in the apartment we are currently living in. help?

kerri c

Admin 24.01.2008. 16:44

The wet food recommendation was really good. I have included a link for you that tells the stories of two severely overweight cats (20 and 30lbs) who lost weight on a wet food diet. One of them was very picky and headstrong about not wanting to eat wet food as well. The author gives some tips on how to overcome the picky eater issues!

It also tells some more in-depth info about why feeding wet food is best. Take a good look at it and try again! I'm sure with a lot of patience your cat can succesfully make the swap!

My own cats now eat only wet food. Before, one of them was 13 pounds, about 2 pounds overweight for his size/frame. Once I swapped him to all wet food (wasn't hard because he'd take wet over dry any day) he lost weight and is now a healthy 11lbs. So I can speak first hand of its benefits!

Best wishes!

EDIT: Also, the myth that canned food is bad for cats' teeth and dry food is good for them is just that...a myth. Cats mostly swallow their dry food whole or when they bite it it shatters, allowing little bits of food to get stuck between their teeth where it sits and rots. If you are concerned about your cat's teeth health, you can try brushing your cat's teeth or spraying his mouth with a dental spray. Feeding hard food won't do anything for him.

Admin

M 19.10.2009. 04:10

Help! My kitten has horrible gas!? i adopted a kitten from a local vet office about a month ago. he was dewormed and deflead before i got him. now the little guy has really bad gas! and often!
i think it started from when i switched him from wet food to dry food, yet its hard to switch back because i have two older cats. and i dont want to end up having to feed the kitten in a different room because the older cats scarf down wet food! (they are fine with the dry food)
i double checked the kittens poop for worms (none that i could see)
so i dont think its worms, he is not experiencing any typical signs of worms, maybe its the food? but what can i feed him to get rid of the gas that all the cats can eat i have already tried two different brands of dry food

M

Admin 19.10.2009. 04:10

I answered in your other question, but wasn't sure which one you'd check... here is my answer:




All three cats will be healthier in the long run if you feed them an all-wet diet. Dry food is not good for cats. Yes, many live long lives on it, but it's not the best we can do for our cats, and it absolutely contributes to illnesses in cats later in life. For more on wet vs dry, please read Dr. Piersonr's site:

www.catinfo.org

About what to do for the kitten with gas... give it a teaspoon of plain yoghurt (no sugar, flavour or aspartame) twice a day. The probiotics in the yoghurt will help ease the stomach issues.

Though cats can be allowed to graze on wet food, if you don't want the others to eat wet, you can still feed the kitten wet and feed him at set meal times. He'll learn to eat his food and be done. And he'll be healthier for the wet stuff.

Good luck. It's great you have three cats. I hope they all get along.

PS for you and Witchy One:

The myth about dry food being good for a cat's teeth is just that, a myth. Dry food is either eaten whole or it is shattered by the cats. They do not grind food like dogs do. The shattered dry matter is just like what's in our mouths when we eat pretzels. That matter can collect in their teeth and gums and is most often made of high carb foods which then just dissolve leaving sugary bits that are a haven for bacteria.

Wet foods are good for their digestive system and their teeth. Many vet techs that have done dentals will tell you that out of hundreds of feline dental cleanings, the worse cases are cats that eat an all-dry diet.

Most people that switch their cats from dry to wet, not only find that the breathe is better (because the tummy is better) but that the teeth become better (due to the entire system being healthy) and that the coat and skin is better.

I don't want to start a fight here... but just because someone has fed dry to all their cats without serious health issues, does not mean that it's a good diet for all cats. There are humans the drink half a bottle of whiskey each day and smoke that live to be 100 years old... but most of us could not do that. Just because they can, does not mean we should.

Dry food causes and contributes to diseases like diabetes, kidney failure, dental infections, IBD and a host of other illnesses that can all be prevented with a proper diet.

Everyone should have some science behind their posts... I do. The vet behind the site in the link above is a nutritional specialist and has treated cats with diabetes, obesity and many other food related illnesses. Give the site a read. You'll never regret it.

Peace out.

Admin

Fiona 02.01.2012. 19:01

(UK) Cat food - Wet vs Dry? I have studied this for a while and received a distinction for an assignment i did on this topic last year. But on here i see a lot of people arguing with my research (especially in america). I'm not saying what my thought are on this, i would like to know what everyone else thinks. So what are the positive/negatives of wet food and dry food for cats?

Fiona

Admin 02.01.2012. 19:01

Dry leads to crystals and diabetes in cats due to the high carbohydrate levels(these are proven facts). Wet doesn't, it is lower in carbs, and has water which cats need since they don't have a high drive to drink (cats naturally get most of their water from their prey/what they eat). However, the best thing you can feed a cat is its natural diet. Raw meat. Cats are obligate carnivores and cannot really digest plant matter. Cats were molded by millions upon millions of years of evolution to eat raw meat, bones, and organs. It is what is healthiest and most natural for them. If you want to feed your cat what is good for it, feed it raw meats. Here are some websites you should look at, and some Yahoo Groups you should join if you decide to give it a shot.

Bacteria isn't really a problem, since their stomachs are so acidic (being between 0.5 and 2, while humans are 2.5-4. This is also why cats can digest bone, and humans cannot.)

Now for anecdotal evidence. A friend of mine had a cat who was fed dry. He tried multiple brands, and types. But his cat has chronic crystals. Every couple months for over 3 years, they were going to the vet because of it. Prescription food, normal food, every thing in between. Then he switched to raw. No more crystals, and its been over 5 years.
---
Dry food doesn't actually clean their teeth. That is a myth. It doesn't clean their teeth any more than if you ate hard candies, chips, or pretzels. Eating those things certainly doesn't clean your teeth, and eating hard things doesn't clean theirs.

Oh that note, cats who eat a raw diet, have healthier teeth than those who don't. This is because of the extended contact the teeth have with meat and bone. When they eat kibble, it just shatters and they swallow it. In fact, they swallow most of it whole, and only break a couple pieces with each mouthful. But with raw, it requires them to gnaw at the meat and bone, which scrapes and rubs the teeth.

Admin

mama suga 20.06.2008. 22:12

why do men cheat on a woman they really love? ... i need to understand? my husband cheated on me, he didnt do the "do" but he did enough to ruin our marriage. I know he loves me we been through soo much. He has begged for forgiveness and says it was a mistake and he doesnt even know why he did it, he said he didnt even plan it or ever think he would do somthin like that, but when some girl who called herself a friend threw herself at him , he just comprimised. He was honest and came to me about it a few weeks after. I saw the chick and she was soo average. she had like a hairy face and arms a gut and was short and..... way the oppostie of me!! I was good to him and faithful, and im sorry but i am fine as hell!! He says he is so attracted to me and just wants to spend the rest of his life with me and needs a second chance.
He says he knows fully how to love me the right way and will never let anything like this happen again.
Why if that is true could he do that? Guys .... help me understand.

mama suga

Admin 20.06.2008. 22:12

I have never cheated on my wife. Take that for what you will.

It is a complete and utter myth that people spend 24 hours a day making rational decisions that fully take into account their long term beliefs. People go on diets then eat a bucket of ice cream. If you ask them if they would like to eat a bucket of ice-cream, they say no. They are not lying. They don't want to eat it. They want to eat healthy food. Then they go home late, they haven't eaten, they are upset, the ice-cream is in front of them, they eat it and feel terrible later. Why? Because they are _literally_ in a different mental state. They are tired, their willpower is shot, their ability to make long-term decisions is impaired, and they revert to basic instincts. Eat fat. Have sex. Run or fight. Do what feels good - which is what your instincts scream at you to do.

Some people seek out affairs. They do this consciously. They may do it because they cannot handle monogamy. They may do this because they feel unloved, or unappreciated, or their partner is unwilling to meet their needs. None of this suggests they do not love their partner, but they are not happy.

Other people don't seek out affairs, but 'compromise' themselves. They do something because at the time, their instincts screamed to do it, and they were not able to stop themselves.

Love doesn't give people perfect willpower in all times. It might help them sacrifice themselves, but turning down temptation?

Just because someone is imperfect doesn't mean they aren't genuinely in love.

It is probably true that your husband fully loves you.

It would be hard for him to guaranted that he will never let anytyhing like this happen again. In truth, NOBODY can make that claim. In his case, the illusion has been shattered.

Perhaps that makes him less likely to stray. I think most people overestimate their willpower. They think they can go off in the evening alone with a coworker or friend who they find attractive, drink and flirt, then slam down the NO switch at the right time. Perhaps your husband knows that he needs to actively avoid situations where he might again be compromised.

I am not telling you what to do, just trying to - as you asked - provide some understanding.

Admin

Write a comment

* = required field

:

:

:

:


* Yes No