Following Through

Comments (20)


Following Through

By: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of March 24, 2003

My final divorce papers sit in front of me waiting for my signature. In fact, they've been sitting on my desk for five days now. It took me two days to even open the envelope and another full day to look at the actual documents. I still haven't entirely read through them. I cannot bring myself to sign.

Eight months ago, after months of emotional turmoil, we both agreed a divorce would be in our best interest. I was relieved at the time. I was tired of him drinking every night until he passed out on the sofa. I was tired of feeling belittled. I never quite healed from the affair I found out about, and I know there were others.

We were married eight years. I never felt I was his partner in life. I felt I was just another piece of furniture. We have two beautiful little boys who adore their daddy. They were a big reason for wanting this divorce. I didn't want them growing up thinking drinking on a daily basis is normal.

For years I wanted counseling. I would plead, "Let's go before our problems get out of control!" He insisted we didn't have anything we couldn't handle. By the time we made it to counseling it was too late. Besides, he refused to say he had an addiction.

I tell myself if he truly reaches out for help and remains changed for a year after our divorce, maybe we could try with a fresh start.

I heard a preacher say, "Fidelity is more than sexual fidelity. It is when every decision you make during the day is the best one for yourself, your spouse, and your children." Wayne and Tamara, that's the only relationship I want.

The papers still sit in front of me. How do I know I'm doing the right thing?

Felicity

Felicity, what you are facing is the death of a dream, the dream of what your marriage was supposed to be like.

Faced with the choice of drinking or losing his family, your husband continues to drink. You may have every reason to hope he will change, but you have absolutely no reason to believe he will change.

Boys look to their father to show them how to be a man, and a drunk is someone who has clearly lost the way. Courts and the law have a simple view of the matter. They don't knowingly allow a child to be adopted in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. There are laws against drinking and driving. Perhaps there should be laws against drinking and parenting.

You cannot focus on your husband sobering up. That has always been only under his power, and never under yours. He may be 20 years from admitting his problem. He may never admit it. You can't put your life on hold waiting for someone to do what they may never do.

Tamara says she cannot even shop without having me in her mind. "Everything I lay my eyes upon," she says, "I lay my heart upon where lives my husband." Your mate has to be an enhancement to your life. It cannot be any other way.

Wayne

Geronimo!

I'm a 19-year-old male from Liverpool, England. I'm a decent looking lad, but since I broke up from my first serious relationship, I haven't met anyone else. Can you give me advice on meeting girls and actually asking them out?

Gunther

Gunther, are you putting out vibes you are pining for your ex? Out with the old and in with the new.

Look around and start asking ... to movies, to lunch, to a bookstore, to whatever you fancy. Follow your own interests and what you have a passion for, and remember this is not like school, where one grade follows another. Love doesn't follow anyone's schedule, and that is why it is so wonderful.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Comments

blue2monday 28.09.2008. 00:16

What is the purpose/result of rapping your forehand follow through over your head? What is the difference between Nadal's forehand that follows through around your head, Federer's forehand which is more commonly seen, following through around his torso? Unfortunately, I have begun imitating Nadal's forehand and the results are not good. I had to go back to the basic follow through around my torso so I am just wondering what is the point of Nadal's follow through around the head.

blue2monday

Admin 28.09.2008. 00:16

I also do it around my head. It is because you swing at the ball in a down to up motion so the head is the area to follow through. It an easier motion to generate topspin onto the ball. I never done the torso follow through in my life but I think it is for flat balls or you often use you wrist for the topspin instead. The around the head is topspin produce by the shoulders and arm. The torso is mostly on the wrist.

Admin

h2j0e 12.11.2008. 09:30

How many people debating hear really follow through with anything in government? When I was involved in legislative issue for mortgage brokers in the 90's I went to DC to lobby a little. I was very surprised at how much the politicians listened. How many people on YA plan on following through with anything you say is important to you. Let's say your for Gun Rights, do you write your congressman, go to his office, watch for bills that effect those rights, etc?
Yes I caught it should be "here" not "hear" it's late, I'm east coast. I'm calling it a night.

h2j0e

Admin 12.11.2008. 09:30

I have voted in every election that I was entitled to vote, I regularly write to Congress and more rarely to the White House, because the WHITE HOUSE is actually not the seat of power as most of our recent voters don't seem to realize, the House of Reps is where the real power exists, the House is where all legislation regarding financial/taxation/money must come from, the Senate may then play, manipulate, recreate a piece of legislation and after the two legislative bodies agree upon a bill it is passed to the WHITE HOUSE for the President's up or down vote and even the president can be overridden by a powerful enough number in the legislature. So the White House is not the big guy on the block, the House of Reps is the big boy followed closely by the Senate, then comes the President, and we haven't even discussed the U.S. Supreme Court yet.
I write regularly, as well as email and even call on the tele, I called non-stop during the infamous Crime Bill of 1994 which contained the also infamous and watered down "Assault Weapons Ban", perhaps in some small way I aided in our keeping a larger share of our 2nd Amendment rights and perhaps assisting in the Democrat's loss of control of the House and Senate, although I am a registered Democrat I am much more a Constitutionalist, if anyone or anything treads upon my beloved Constitution of the United States of America, I will to no end and with all of my energy defend it without end. So to answer your question, Yes, I am very politically active.

Admin

Shawn 10.07.2012. 10:38

why cant I follow through on my shots? I have just started tennis and I cant seem to follow through with my forehand or backhand? If you could please explain step by step. Also why is following through important?

Shawn

Admin 10.07.2012. 10:38

Imagine that once you have struck the ball you keep swinging the racket. That is follow through. Log onto You tube and watch a video.

Admin

Spike 30.07.2010. 18:30

How much follow through should punches and kicks have? I find that the longer your hand or foot follows through on the target the more power is generated into it.

Is there a certain amount of inches you should follow through into the target? I know it probably depends on the situation but is there like general rules?

Because the longer your follow through the longer you leave yourself possibly open to an attack.

Spike

Admin 30.07.2010. 18:30

In my early training days I was told simply to focus my power "through" the target. I didn't really know what that meant then, and no further explanation was given me.

After a lot of practice it became apparent that the delivery of power to the target required much more than simply focusing through the target. I also realized I was going to have to figure it out for myself. It wasn't that it couldn't be explained, but it takes a lot of explaining and most don't want to take he time to do it.

Here is my explanation: Power in punching and kicking comes from a combination of technique, timing and distance. Proper technique coupled with perfect timing and distance equals Power.

Quickness comes from a combination of perfect practice and a relaxed, but not sloppy delivery. Practicing a technique over and over imprints the necessary movements in muscle memory. Once you have achieved proper muscle memory you will no longer have to think about all of the steps involved - All you have to do is react.

My suggestion is that you train your mind to think only about the result you want to achieve, namely, CONTACT. If you do this and you don't get your mind cluttered with all the thoughts of how you are going to get your fists or your feet or shins from point "A" to point "B", you will increase your quickness dramatically.

Distance from the target is the final piece of the equation. Working on the heavy bag, try not to make the bag swing. A swinging heavy bag is no indication of power, it only shows that you are wasting energy by needlessly pushing the bag after striking it. Instead, you want to make solid, powerful contact without making the bag swing excessively, but you want to hear your punch or kick make a loud pop when it lands. When you learn to do all of this, your punches and kicks will be quick, powerful, and effective.

Admin

Boogity 03.08.2010. 07:03

Is it okay to drag your foot forward a bit on the follow through? I usually drag my back (right) foot forward a few inches on the follow through and I was curious if this was OK or if others do it?

Boogity

Admin 03.08.2010. 07:03

Sure I don't see why this would be an issue. People think follow-through somehow affects the ball flight. The ball has no idea how you follow-through after a shot. In reality, a proper follow-through is a result of a proper swing.

For example, if you are finishing off-balance on your follow-through, that doesn't mean you should 'force' yourself into a more balanced finish. It means you are doing something incorrectly during your swing that is resulting in loss of balance. As in medicine, you would want to address the cause (improper swing), not the symptom (loss of balance).

In fact some people are so concerned with their follow-through they have what is called a "false finish". That is, rather than letting their bodies naturally follow through after a swing, they try to force it to 'look/feel' a certain way.

False finishes are common among golfers who don't properly accelerate through the ball. If they let their bodies finish naturally, their arms would likely stop about half-way up through the follow-through since they didn't accelerate properly. But since they know a correct swing would bring their club up and over their shoulder, they force it into that position anyway.

Let yourself follow-through naturally -- don't force it into a position that you think is correct. Then you can consider the follow-through as instant feedback to how swung the club.

Admin

hmmmm... 13.01.2009. 14:21

In your opinion, by your experience, what basically does it take to make a decision and follow through? Decisions and following through do have different
levels of difficulty, but they share things in common as well.

What does it take to accomplish, how do you
describe it - including with mind, will, and emotions
being involved - what causes the most success?

Thanks!

hmmmm...

Admin 13.01.2009. 14:21

A good grasp of the big picture so small defeats don't derail your long-term resolve. Setting realistic goals - dividing the task up into several mini-projects and only focusing on one at a time.

Admin

Renee C 13.03.2009. 23:20

Is there any legal way to not follow through on a signed stat dec? Can I not follow through if I am being made to sign under duress? I am being 'forced' to sign in order to get something that benefits our child.

Renee C

Admin 13.03.2009. 23:20

Without more facts and details, the short answer is that duress is a defense to breach of contract, in fact if it was signed under duress it means no contract was formed. But duress has very specific meaning in those kind of circumstances.

Admin

Courtney 10.10.2012. 18:02

Why is the follow through in badminton an important part of the serve? Why is the follow through in badminton an important part of the serve?

Courtney

Admin 10.10.2012. 18:02

so the sudden stop doesnt tear a muscle or cause a shoulder injury
folow through is very important in every sport

Admin

drasticvanity 08.09.2008. 16:22

How is the follow-through done in tennis? I am sure that this question has been asked many times before and I have seen previous answers to this question but I am still having trouble doing the follow through.
I am not sure where my problem lies because when hitting a forehand or a backhand, my shot nearly always goes over the net but I still can't seem to be able to perform a follow-through, I just hit the ball and that's about it.
So my question is, how is the follow through performed and if not done, how can it affect my game?

drasticvanity

Admin 08.09.2008. 16:22

Hello, your question is a very important one. The purpose of "follow through" is to avoid injury. When you "finish" a stroke you are allowing your body's kinetic chain to move in a natural way thus avoiding unnatural movements performed in sports that could result in injuries.

"follow through" has nothing to do with improving your strokes!!!!!

"Follow through" is not a fundamental concept in learning ground strokes such as forehands or backhands. The things you want to focus on are contact, balance and using your opposite hand. These concepts can radially improve your stokes.

Contact if you have further questions.

Thanks.

Admin

Mister Will 05.10.2012. 10:56

Is follow through necessary to make a baseball go far? I was just wondering what makes a baseball go the distance. I used something called a "force of impulse" equation and found out that in a hypothetical situation, a baseball is in contact with the bat for 0.263 seconds. So what I am getting at is if in some crazy universe a baseball player could stop swinging the bat after a ball left the bat, after lets say my 0.263 seconds, would the follow through be necessary?

Mister Will

Admin 05.10.2012. 10:56

It wouldn't be necessary for the ball to go the distance. But remember, to deliver that impulse, that bat has a lot of momentum, so stopping it as you describe is going to be quite the feat. THAT'S why there's a follow-through.

Admin

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