Here is my latest article. It may be freely used in ezines, on websites or in e-books, as long as the Resource Box is left intact.
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"WHAAAAT!" Sherry looked at me in disbelief. "That machine took my card...and that bi...bit...person refused to give it back!" Her face was quickly going brick red with mounting rage.
Hmmm, wait a minute, Sherry's card?
I said, "I thought it was Danny's?" It had his name on it, in fact. "Yes," Sherry said impatiently, "it's his, but it's a joint account - Danny and me." She pauses. "That...that...person should've given it BACK..." She's really fuming now...I wondered if her Kirlian aura was gonna turn purple, or maybe red.
I look at her, "Well, now...I didn't know that, did I now?" Sherry glares at me - but not at me - then relaxes to a sheepish smile, "Sorry, dear heart...I thought you knew." I shrug, "No matter...we gotta get the card back, OK?" And, figure out why the machine ate it too, just quietly...but, one thing at a time!
So, thirty minutes later, we're both at the branch, fronting up to that Customer Service Desk...ho, ho, HO, ho, ho! The woman who had served me is nowhere in sight, but another clone steps up, vacant smile glowing, 'Colgate' white...
SHE: "And how may we help you today, hmmm?" (The royal 'we', no less, thinks I).
ME: "Ah, look, about half hour ago, one of your machines took the card...it's in the drawer there", me pointing, "and, I went to get autho..." Sherry elbows me to the side.
SHERRY: "Listen, and listen good!" She transfixes the hapless woman with her fury. "You have a card of MINE, in that drawer...get it out and give it BACK. Now!" She glares magnificently. "It's in the name of Danny Burke...and I'm the other joint owner of the account, his MOTHER." Sherry made the last word sound like 'HITMAN'. The woman visibly wilts...truly, she cringes.
SHE: "Er...oh...um, but, but...you...you...must have a l..letter that author..." Sherry raises her hand, like a cop stopping traffic.
SHERRY: "Stop...go to your fax machine, and there you will find the letter waiting for you." She smiles benignly now, soothingly, waving her away. (Just to let you know, we went to Sherry's other branch first and got them to draft and fax the necessary letter. We knew it would be waiting by the time we got to this branch.)
A few minutes later, the woman came back and, after satisfying procedure, Sherry got the card back. Twirling the card in her fingers, Sherry looks at the woman...
SHERRY (softly, sweetly...but with an edge): "Now, I'm going to put this card in again and if that machine gives any trouble, I'll be back to get the money from YOU." She made it sound like big Arnie talking to the cop at that desk, remember...just before he came back with a truck and an M16! "And, I don't want to be hit with any extra fees, if I do...right?" I almost began to feel sorry for the woman.
SHE: "Ah...mmmmm...tha...hmmmm....well, yes...alright." Sherry gives her a final glare and we go to the machine.
Sherry goes through the same procedure that I used. And, I watch closely as she keys in the PIN, hits WITHDRAW CASH, selects the account, and punches in 140.00, and lo, the money runneth over! And immediately, I know why the machine ate the card when I did it, and I know also that there probably is a program bug in the software or firmware. A bug so simple, a novice programmer would be able to fix it...or maybe an ATM service techy.
"Ya gotta be kidding," says Sherry looking at the machine, shaking her head, when I tell her. I nod my head, grinning like an idiot. "Well," says Sherry, "what are yer gonna do about it?"
What I Thought Of Doing:
"Now, I'm gonna have some fun..." Leaving Sherry to count the money, I go back to the Service Desk.
'Colgate' is still there, smiling but obviously a bit uncomfortable to see me back. "Good news...it worked OK." The relief on her face was palpable. I paused. "And, guess what?" She leaned forward slightly, expectantly. "I know why the machine failed the first time I did it..." And smiled. She looked a bit confused, but then even more expectant.
With a wave, I said, "Have a day!" and walked out.
What I Did Instead:
"Now, I'm gonna have some fun..." Leaving Sherry to count the money, I go back to the Service Desk.
'Colgate' is still there, smiling but obviously a bit uncomfortable to see me back. "Good news...it worked OK." The relief on her face was palpable. I paused. "And, guess what?" She leaned forward slightly, expectantly. "I know why the machine failed the first time I did it..." And proceeded to give her a very detailed and complicated explanation, very quickly. I really wasn't too concerned about her comprehension; she looked a bit confused as I finished...which was understandable, given the jargon I used.
With a wave, I said, "Well, there you are...better get it done quickly!" and walked out.
CRM? Cruddy Response Management, is what I say. ;-)
P.S. OK, if you want to know why the ATM ate Danny's card the first time (in Part 1), click this link and fill in the form: http://online-wealth.com/crmsolution.htm.
About the Author
Roger Burke has been involved with computers since 1967, and has managed to break quite a few, over the years. He, and his wife Sherry, are now actively engaged in online self-publishing and promoting specific affiliate programs at http://online-wealth.com. If you have any comments or questions about this article, please send emails to mailto:webmaster@online-wealth.com.
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