Survivors of child abuse have a tough time on the issue of forgiving. Forgiveness is a process. The decisions to forgive come incrementally. I learned how to set limits and care for myself. I came to sense God's love and comfort, and to know that I was a child of God.
1. Forgiveness from God is to feel loved, comforted, and treasured by the Holy One. Gradually I was able to accept a sense of God's love, comfort, and treasuring of me, even though I felt I was a "nothing."... "Beloved Creator, gently hold me. Let me know your love and comfort. Thank you for treasuring me even though I feel helpless and incapable."
2. My decisions to forgive came incrementally. Not only have I prayed to be protected, but also that God heal the one who abused me. At some point, I asked to be shown how to set limits and care for myself whenever I would be near the abuser. When my abuser was on her deathbed, I was able to be with her, hold her hand, and sing to comfort her. Earlier, we had reconciled, my mother asking forgiveness for not wanting to be a mother or to have me. We were able to cry together and hug. I no longer felt fear. I was able to be my adult self.
3. Not to forgive is to remain a victim. I felt like a victim for years. I felt like I didn't have control over my life. I clung to childhood survival skills such as not being noticeable, downplaying my abilities, and I was at risk for developing addictions.. "Divine healer, help me to care for myself. Remove the terror I feel. Guide me to live a fuller life."
Forgiveness is a spiritual key to healing for survivors. Do you want to learn more about beliefs on child abuse and forgiveness? Part 3 in the series will continue with three additional beliefs.