According to the Center for Disease
Control's National Vital Statistics
Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages
ended in divorce and 60% of
remarriages end in divorce. But, the
Center for Disease Control also found
that 96% of Americans express a
personal desire for marriage, and
almost three-quarters of Americans
believe marriage is a life long
commitment.
I imagine that there are somewhat
similar statistics worldwide.
With these kinds of statistics, its
easy to see how complex it can be when
people think they want a divorce, they
have difficulty identifying how a
truly viable divorce reason might be
defined. Wanting happiness through
marriage and wrestling with what may
seem an inevitable outcome (divorce),
can be emotionally and mentally
challenging.
After all, it is human nature to want
to feel nurtured and secure, no matter
where you live!
So, if you're thinking about getting a
divorce, what are truly viable reasons
for actually getting a divorce?
Each government has different laws
defining the difference
between 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorce
reasons that have enough merit that
allow for the divorce to be granted.
While it makes sense for you to keep
this in mind when deciding whether or
not to get a divorce because there may
be financial considerations to think
of, you should first focus on defining
your own emotional or "personal"
divorce reasons, regardless of what
the local governing body says.
If you ask 100 people how they define
viable reasons for wanting a divorce,
you'll most likely get 100 different
answers because they'll answer you
from their perspective, not yours.
Sure, there may be similarities to the
way you feel in some of those answers
about 'real' divorce reasons, you may
even agree with some. But, the real
answers to this question can only come
from you. You have to figure out what
reason or reasons would be viable in
your mind in order to actually go
through your decision about getting a
divorce or staying married.
Some reasons that people give for
getting a divorce, or wanting a
divorce, are purely selfish and have
no substance. An example of a reason
for wanting a divorce that has no
substance is not liking the fact that
your spouse has constant unfounded
jealousy. There is a deeper problem
that exists here, and in the case of
this example, it could be that the
spouse who constantly feels jealousy
has a confidence problem or some sort
of 'fear of loss'. Whatever the case,
the divorce reason in this example
clearly isn't viable and should
relatively easy to fix.
Often times when people give 'surface'
or flimsy reasons for wanting a
divorce, they really have much deeper
feelings about something and they're
just using the shallow divorce reason
as an avoidance of some kind. Or, they
give these 'foundation-less' reasons
for wanting a divorce because they
actually aren't aware that there are
other deeper rooted reasons that are
the cause of the way they feel now.
Common reasons that cause people to
think about or want to get a divorce:
Couple has conflicting personal
beliefs
Couple’s marital satisfaction
decreases
Desertion
Adultery
Cruel treatment
Bigamy
Imprisonment
Spousal Indignities
Institutionalization
Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind
Of course, you should add your own reasons
to the list for wanting a divorce, better yet,
make your own list. Solid divorce reasons
for wanting or going through a divorce
usually come from some sort of
occurrence, behavioral pattern, and/or
change in the viewpoint of the
marriage itself.
In order to really make a smart
decision, you should first list the
reasons that you have for wanting a
divorce, then examine those divorce
reasons for true viability. Then come
back to it that list in a day or so.
Chances are you will be able to
scratch a few of those reasons for
wanting a divorce off the list because
they were identified purely from an
emotional viewpoint rather than logic.
If you are thinking about getting a
divorce, and haven't clearly
identified what reasons you have for
feeling the way you do, you'll be
doing yourself a 'dis-service' if you
act without carefully examining the
viability each designated divorce
reason. Everyone has their own reasons
for wanting a divorce, make sure that
you are certain that your reasons are
truthfully viable to you before you
act on them.
Karl Augustine
Deciding on DivorceDivorce reasons About the Author
Author of "A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce", the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com