Rust Protection and Floor Mats
I dont know why, but I woke up last Saturday with the urge to buy my wife a new mini-van. Perhaps its my deep understanding of her needs. Or maybe I was influenced by the mini-van deals advertised on TV. Or maybe it was peeling my son off the sticky seat of our current mini-van. No matter the reason, it was time for some new wheels.
As Rodney Dangerfield would say, "mini-vans get no respect." Ive always been a big fan of the seating capacity and cargo space of mini-vans. And, as a parent, I especially like the ability to put a lot of space between yourself and your children.
But, when we bought our first mini-van five years ago, my wife was less than enthusiastic about mini-vans. I practically had to drag her into the dealership. She thought that if she drove a mini-van, she would look like a mom.
At the time, she was eight months pregnant. And since we already had a three-year-old daughter, the conclusion that she was a mom was inescapable. I think she finally agreed to get a mini-van because she easily fit into the drivers seat in her expanded condition.
So now I had a decision to make. What kind of mini-van to purchase? After sitting down with my wife to discuss the relative merits of crash tests and re-sale values, as well as economy and repair records, she decided to go with the most expensive mini-van.
Even with the Internet and all of the information available today, buying a new car is still painful. I had a colonoscopy this summer, and I looked forward to that procedure more than the car buying process. Because no matter how much info you have, and how good of a negotiator you are, you always feel like youre getting screwed.
Based on my research, we visited a nearby dealer to talk about their top-of-the-line mini-van. In retrospect, we should have turned tail as soon as we realized we had to pay for coffee. Thats like having to rent your hospital gown when youre about to have your rectum photographed.
Then we met "Joe" (name changed to protect the incompetent). Maybe Im naive about the "selling" process, but I got the distinct impression that Joe was more interested in taking my money than in providing the right vehicle for my familys needs.
Joe proceeded to tell us about all the features of his vehicle, all the while feeling us out to see what kind of money we might have. He asked me where I worked, where we lived, what kind of car I drove, etc. Basically, sizing us up for the kill.
When it came time to talk price, we handed the keys to the trade-in evaluator. The evaluators job is to drive your trade-in vehicle around the back, then come back and quote a ridiculously low trade-in value for your vehicle with a straight face.
They said they could only give us $3,500 for our mini-van because it was in "rough" shape. He said the interior needed to be "bug bombed" and asked if the car was kept in a garage because he had never seen so many scratches before.
Car Selling Tip: If you want to sell me a vehicle, offending me is not a good tactic. I find insults to be counter-productive to the whole sales cycle. Besides, you smell. Nanny, nanny, boo-boo.
Having small children will take a toll on any vehicle, and yes, there were stains on the carpets, seats, and ceiling. But to tell us that our car needed fumigation is just plain insulting. After restraining my wife, we left. We were at least $3,000 apart, so I didnt want to waste any more time.
Joe called the next morning and offered an additional $1,000. My wife sweetly told him that we wouldnt buy a vehicle from him if he were the last mini-van vendor on the planet. She might have also questioned his manhood, as well as his intelligence, but Ill give her the benefit of the doubt in this case.
We ended up purchasing a different mini-van. The salesman at this dealership was very pleasant and explained how they arrived at a fair value for our trade-in. I didnt have to restrain my wife, and all in all, the experience didnt suck.
But still, Im sure I could have gotten it for $1,000 less if Id just shopped around.
Chuck Smith is the mind behind www.BrainSediment.com, where you can sift through the muck that is Chucks Brain. Visit http://www.BrainSediment.com for more humorous articles about family life.