by: George Hankston
It’s a nice sunny afternoon. You decide to mow your lawn. Then you find yourself in hospital. What happened? You had an argument with a lawn mower. Not only is it expensive and time consuming, it’s also very embarrassing. Imagine having to explain that a lawn mower got the better of you!
Here are the top ten reasons why lawn mowers always win.
1) You are wearing soft shoes, the lawn mower has strong metal rotating blades. What do you think will happen if the blades run over your unprotected feet?
2) Working on the engine with the spark plug still in place. Whilst you are fiddling with the electrics the gremlins will conspire to kick the engine into life. Sliced! There goes another finger. Take the spark plug out when working on the engine.
3) Switch off the engine before walking away from it. If you leave the lawn mower engine running, as soon as you turn your back it will start to follow you and run you over. Seriously, you must turn off the engine before leaving it. Whilst you’re away an innocent child could try to take control of the mower.
4) Some people actually fill up with petrol whilst the engine is still running. The gremlins love this combination of heat, electricity, sparks and fumes. The chances of something going wrong are very high. Just image yourself with a singed moustache and eyebrows in the hospital waiting room, or more likely heavens waiting room. Turn off the engine before filling with petrol.
5) Rotating lawn mower blades have the ability to pick up rocks and branches and launch them at you with devastating accuracy. Before you start mowing, give the lawn an inspection. Get rid of anything that is not green and made of grass.
6) Your lawn mower has the ability to blow up your shed, garage and even your house. If you are in the basement filling up with petrol, the fumes and gases will build up and just one little spark will send the whole lot sky high. You’ll see it because you’ll be in heaven looking down on it! Only fill up with petrol in an open space. In the garden would be quite convenient as you are planning on mowing the lawn.
7) Even when you are in the garden filling up with petrol there can still be a localised build up of combustible fumes. The gremlins will try and get you to light up a cigarette, just to see what you look like with burnt facial features. Don’t smoke whilst filling up with petrol.
8) Ok, so you think that you’ve got the gremlins beat. Think again, they will now bring on kids, dogs and cats. Anything that can distract you and cause you to make a mistake. Mowing a lawn is not the time to be entertaining your kids or your friends kids. Just imagine taking a kid back to his parents and saying, “I’m sorry, but I could only find 2 of his fingers, you might be able to sew them back on”. Mowing means no kids, no dogs and no cats. Let them enjoy the lawn after you’ve cut it.
9) Wait for the blades to fully stop on their own before clearing cut grass from them. The blades have the ability to slice your finger tips off without you even knowing. Ouch.
10) By now it should be obvious, but don’t start working on the mower and making adjustments when the engine is running. It will just instantly maim you. End of story.