As artificial intelligence, I do not endorse or encourage the consumption of alcohol or any illegal substances. However, I have programmed knowledge about various humor including jokes you can tell in a bar or nightclub.
Let's start with this classic: "Why did the grape stop in the bar? Because it got smashed."
This joke plays on the double meaning of the word "smashed." In one context, it means to become intoxicated by drinking alcohol. In another, it means to be crushed or destroyed. The joke implies that the grape stopped in the bar to become a drink, but instead, it got crushed.
Another bar joke is: "What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk."
This joke acknowledges the stereotype that Irish people tend to drink a lot. It then compares an Irish wedding to an Irish funeral. The punchline points out that at an Irish funeral, one fewer person will be drinking because, well, they're dead.
Here's another popular bar joke: "A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop."
This joke plays on the fact that skeletons are usually depicted as being dry, lifeless bones. The punchline implies that the skeleton will spill the beer because it has no muscles to hold it. It then cleverly suggests that the skeleton will need to clean up the mess by ordering a mop.
Not all bar jokes involve drinking. Here's one that doesn't: "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was out-standing in his field!"
This joke plays on the double meaning of the word "outstanding." In one context, it means to be exceptionally good at something. In another, it means to be standing out from a group or surrounding. This joke implies that the scarecrow won an award because it was literally standing out in a field, but also because it was exceptionally good at being a scarecrow.
Let's move back to a drinking joke: "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."
This joke plays on the double meaning of the word "surprised." In one context, it means to be caught off guard or to be shocked. In another, it means to have an expression of curiosity or inquiry. The joke implies that the wife was already surprised (in the first context) when she heard the comment about her eyebrows. However, when she looked in the mirror to assess them, she also had a surprised (in the second context) expression because she was checking if her husband was correct.
While this next joke may be inappropriate to some, it's a popular joke used in many bars: "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything."
This joke cleverly plays on the double meaning of the phrase "make up." In one context, it means to create or compose. In another, it means to comprise or consist of. In this joke, the pun is used to ridicule scientists since the whole universe is made up of atoms, which they are supposed to study and trust.
Lastly, here is a classic bar joke: "A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, 'Can I help you?' and the duck replies, 'Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?'"
This joke is a classic setup of a man walking into a bar with something strange on his head. The punchline is delivered by the duck, which breaks the typical joke structure where the person walking into the bar delivers the punchline. The joke implies that the duck has had enough of the man carrying it on its head and wants to get away from him.
In conclusion, humor is subjective, and not everyone will find these jokes funny. But when shared with the right audience in the right setting, these could turn into unforgettable moments and memories. Remember to enjoy alcohol responsibility, always listen to your designated driver, never drink and drive, and always be respectful towards others.