I actually bought a Sunday paper this past weekend, something I haven't done for a while. Reading about all the problems in the world just tends to detract from my retirement euphoria. A person can get a serious ulcer thinking about all of this stuff. I mean, the idea of a radicalized Iran with nukes isn't very comforting. Nor is the ongoing uncertainty about the price of oil. The election victory of HAMAS is kind of a bummer, and no one seems to have a clue about the economy. And I won't even mention the fact I've been afraid to check my stock market portfolio since January.
On the other hand, I do want to be responsible and keep track of what is going on the the world. Consequently, I will pick up another Sunday paper in about a year to see how this all turns out. I really don't see much point in reading the same stuff between now and then.
Besides, while I don't mean to trivialize these stories, I think there are other significantly more important issues to ponder. For instance, we all know that when dropped, a cat will land on its feet. We also know that if a piece of buttered bread is dropped, it will land butter-side down. These are both cosmic absolutes. But it does beg the question: what if you strapped a piece of buttered bread on the back of a cat and then dropped the cat??? To my thinking, that would be the ultimate paradox.
Certainly something would have to give; a known cosmic norm would have to be violated. Would such an experiment cause a rip in the fabric of space/time? Would the universe implode? Would the laws of physics be forever destroyed? The more I think about it, I find myself much more concerned with the idea of Iran obtaining cats and buttered bread than I do them getting nukes.
When I retired a few years ago I promised myself I would go fishing at least once a week. Here in Alabama where I live, we have gotten thunderstorms virtually every day for what seems like forever. That concerns me much more than the price of oil, especially considering I haven't been able to use my SUV to tow my boat to the Bay, in order to take out my 2GPH 200HP bassboat.
The past few months my garden has been beset with critters: squirrels, rabbits, deer, and just about every other variety of furry creature on four legs. I read in some of my garden books that putting certain unpleasant materials (garlic, certain oils, even urine) around the garden will keep them away. I also read that getting one of those fake plastic owls will do the job. None of it works of course. Unfortunately for me, the critters aren't able to read the same books as I do.
Even worse than that, the problem of the relentless heat down here has caused a shortage of Miller Lite beer. Now, you have to understand that Miller Lite is considered a staple in this part of the USA. In fact, there are known cases of people evacuating for hurricanes who forget to put their kids in the car but have a minimum of three cases of Miller. We do have our priorities afterall.
So as I sit here composing this article, sipping my Miller Lite slowly in order to conserve, I have to consider what is really important in life. Sure, our government is working hard to prevent some nutburger in Iran from getting nukes, but that doesn't get me on the water fishing. It doesn't get the critters out of my garden. And it sure doesn't help with the supply of Miller Lite.