Scientists Discover Oldest Skeleton Of Human Ancestor; Report Face Looked Like Hugo Chavez.

The most well-preserved skeleton of an ancestor of homo sapiens has been discovered in Ethiopia. The skeleton, dating back about 3.3 million years, is a member of the evolutionary group known as Australopithecus Venezuelas and had a face that looks remarkably like Hugo Chavez.

Scientists have yet to determine if the homonid retained tree-climbing capabilities. Apparently, its arms hung below its knees, and it had a short neck like a gorilla. As they free more of the skeleton from the sandstone in which it was found, they will be able to determine if it did climb trees.

Remains of an ancient manuscript were also found buried with the skeleton. It appears to be the work of an ancient medicine man who identifies himself as Neander Chompsky. Experts are attempting to decipher the language in which it is written.

The scientists also discovered scratchings on a rock. So far they have been able to determine that the precursor of homo sapiens may have believed in the devil. One of the scratchings has been translated that states, "If you're looking for the devil, first look into a reflecting pool."

Meanwhile, Hugo Chavez, on hearing about the remains, asked that they be turned over to Venezuela, because, if the ancient person did look just like him, he or she may be a distant ancestor, and so, he reasons, the remains belong to the Chavez family.

He has also voiced the intention to lug the rock with the etchings on it to his next speech at the UN, where he plans to say he took its advice and looked into a reflecting pool to see the devil. He saw George Bush, because right before he looked, he tossed in a photograph of him.