Off line advertising is a great way to get an extra traffic
boost, but it can be very expensive if you haven't done it
before....
There is a 'fixed', published rate for advertising in
newspapers and magazines. This is called the "rate-card"
price. The 'rate-card' is a newspapers or magazines published
"priced list" of space in the publication concerned.
Does the "rate-card" price reflect the average price you
could expect to pay in the publication concerned? NO! It
represents the absolute highest, top dollar rate you could
ever be insane enough to contemplate paying!! The "rate
card" price for say, Daily Mirror would be the £5000 price.
The"rate card is a kind of wish list from the newspapers.
This is the price they would like to get for all of their adverts.
This is what they consider the space to be "really" worth.
In practice, they hardly EVER get "rate card" for an advert,
and most of the time they get half of one-third of rate card
prices.
However, if you are naive little bunny, and you telephone
any national newspaper classified department and say to
them; "Hey, look, I'm a rank amateur in this business, I was
wondering if you could see your way clear to telling me how
much my half-page advert would cost to insert in your
excellent publication."
They will reply......
"Why certainly sir, our rate card for that advert is....let
me see now....ah yes, £5000."
And you hop away thinking:-
"Cripes! That's a bit steep. But if the competition is
paying that rate , then they must be really pulling in the
orders". So you stump up your five grand, and send your
advert into the paper. The conversation on the classified
desk goes something like this:-
Sue: "Here , John, you'll never guess what! You know that
ACME publishing company I quoted five grand last week?"
John: "Yeah?"
Sue: "They've only gone and sent me a cheque and their
advert!"
John: "What!!! You're pulling my plonker!"
Sue: (Laughing). No. Straight up. Look, here's the cheque."
John: "Bank it, quick!"
Etc., Etc.
You sit back and wait expectantly. The advert appears. The
phones start ringing, the first day's post arrives. The
results look unpromising, but you reassure yourself that
people need a bit of time to respond, and the post is a bit
slow etc. Next day you get about one third of the post you
expected. You put this down to a hold-up at the sorting
office. Next day you get about one tenth of the post you
expected. and the following day you get about three letters!
You start to become alarmed. Ten days later, you know you've
blown about three grand. You hastily examine your advert.
What's wrong with it? You look at the competition. Hmm,
they're offering a thirty day money-back guarantee and you're
only offering fourteen. Damn! That must be it.
You call Sue (now your friend) on the classified desk. You
tell her your tale of woe. She's biting her wrist to stop
laughing long enough to talk to you. The conversation might
go like this:-
You: "Sue, I had a terrible response to that advert."
Sue: (Sympathetic) "Oh no! Give it a bit more time.
Sometimes the first advert never does well because you're a
new company. People need to see the advert a few more times
before they're confident enough to buy from you."
You: "You reckon?"
Sue: (Hardly able to control her mirth). "No doubt about
it, Also, you went in on a Tuesday, didn't you?"
You: "Yes...."
Sue: "I think you ought to try a Friday. It's closer to the
weekend, and people are more relaxed."
You: (Growing donkey ears). "Do you really think so...?"
Sue: "Definitely. As it happens, we have some space in this
Fridays issue. It's a really great position. We normally
charge more for a Friday, but since you lost money last time,
we'll let you have it for £4700."
So you book the space, and increase your money-back
guarantee (or whatever). You've guessed the rest. Friday
comes and goes and the response is about the same as your
last advert. You kiss another three grand bye-byes. But
before this, down at the classified department:-
Sue: "Here's a riddle for you, John. What company starts
with "A" and has just sent me a cheque for £4700?"
John: "You're putting me on!!"
Sue: (Waiving cheque) "Tum tee tum tum!"
John: "You jammy sod!"
Etc. Etc.
Now why would a nice girl like Sue take such enormous
pleasure in stitching you up? Does she hate you? Did you kick
her cat once, and she's never forgotten? Oh no, nothing so
personal. Sue is pleased because:-
She's making a thumping ten percent commission on each advert
she sells!!
And ten percent of five grand is £500. Ten percent of
£4700 is £470. That makes £970 for two phone calls from you!
She's probably quite a nice girl. I'm sure she buys her
mother flowers on Mothers' Day. And I also know that she is
having an expensive foreign holiday this year, courtesy of
ACME publishing!
About the Author
Neil Moran
marstron@ukonline.co.uk
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