by: Barry Harrison
It's true people don’t want to read much. All the more reason to choose your words carefully. I’m convinced that great copy is essential for a compelling customer experience. Here are two samples I came across recently, that carried me from the sublime to the ridiculous.
The first is a description of a “Chenille Throw” from a Restoration Hardware catalog that’s so evocative I practically salivate with desire. The second is an excerpt from a multi-page ad promoting Phoenix as a tourist destination. It’s so pretentious and silly it makes me laugh out loud every time I read it.
Go ahead, read for yourself. Then think about what kind of impression the copy on your site makes.
The 5-lb Chenille Throw
"Chocolate truffles. Triple-cream brie. Ice cream cake. All areas where more is, well more… where five extra pounds is a very good thing, indeed. So it is with our chenille throws. Each is five pounds of butter-soft, pudding-rich, rayon-cotton chenille, a guilt-free indulgence, big enough to share."
Now that’s good copy! Combined with a lush, close-up photograph of the throw draped oh so casually on a tan suede sofa, I don’t know how anyone could resist!
Compare and contrast: [I’m not making this up].
"Destination Phoenix Amazing what you can do here."
"Open your eyes the day you arrive and believe everything you see. Our world is in constant flow and a stiff current of excitement and discovery pull you along."
"Greater Phoenix is everything from shopping in world-class boutiques to dining that’s equally up to task. It’s lodging that may ease your body, but never relents on the imagination. And without a doubt, there’s so many entertainment options, your agenda will swell with the energy of a true cosmopolitan city- tempered by years of individuality and originality."
So while a stiff current of excitement pulls you along, your agenda will swell with energy. Yeah baby!
Destination Phoenix? I don’t think so.
I’d rather curl up on my sofa with a good catalog and wrap myself in a 5-lb chocolate triple cream butter pudding guilt-free hunk of chenille. Yum.
Tips to improve the copy on your site.
1. Read your copy out loud before you commit to putting it on your site. Yes, every word.
2. If your writing skills aren’t "up to task," hire a professional, or at least get somebody who can edit your text.
3. If it sounds like "BS" to you, it will sound like "BS" to your readers.
4. Less is more, especially on the web.