Just learning the rules of parenting is hard enough! Outside of health scares, pretty much the first major challenge parents face is when their beloved toddler enters the Terrible Two's stage!
Sometimes like a flick of a switch or other times, a more gradual progression is observed but overall your once well behaved and all loving child has learned to throw a temper tantrum, has become ultra defiant and independent and is willing to challenge your authority on every occasion!
This is a really tough stage for just about every parent and it is completely common and normal to experience feelings of intense frustration and extreme helplessness. If you are experiencing 2 or more of the below indicators, chances are that you may need some additional help to get through.
1) Are You Always Yelling? Does it seem like you cannot have a conversation with your toddler especially around bath time, meal time or bed time without raising your voice? Yelling and screaming is a common response to frustration and is an attempt to win back control. This yelling however seems to fuel the fires of an independent little toddler and do not be surprised to hear them yelling straight back at you!
2) Do You Feel Guilty Too Often? Naturally, whenever we have a fight or disagreement with anyone there are sometimes feelings of guilt after the event. This holds even more true when it is your beautiful little toddler. Of course there will be times when arguments happen however the main thing to look at here is if you are getting these guilty feelings too often. This is a big sign that you and your toddler are not communicating very well.
3) Seeing Your Own Behavior Reflected In Your Children This one is a real "biggie" and for me personally was one of the things that really made me sit up and take notice of my own parenting and realize that I had a problem that needed help to be sorted out.
I was a intensely frustrated parent going through the terrible two's stage and little did I know that with my own actions, I was teaching them bad behaviors!
Our children learn from us and mimic us and to my horror, I started to hear the same "catch phrases" and arguments I would use coming out of my children's mouths. Even more hurtful was the way my two beautiful boys would smack or threaten each other. I am the first to admit, I used to do things badly but watching the way my two boys interacted with myself, my wife and each other, showing the same behaviors and actions I had inadvertently taught them really cut me deep.
The last two indicators or signs are probably the most important to identify and recognize if they are a part of your daily interactions with your toddler. If you recognize them in your parenting then now is a great time to take a deep breath, review and get a little bit of assistance. Save yourself some emotional trauma and get back on the job of nurturing that crucial developing relationship between you and your toddler. See how you rate against these two important signs at my informative website - The Terrible Two's. You can click the direct link for the article in it's entirety below!
4) Feeling Frustrated And Helpless This one is one of the most common signs that you need help with your terrible two stage. I remember it myself before I learned how to control the situation and the memories of my wife and I sitting around the dinner table after another failed meal time feeling extremely frustrated, stressed, angry, drained and an overall consuming feeling of helplessness are still there. Rest assured, you are not the only one to question yourself and your parenting skills!
5) Hitting or Lashing Out At Your Children Look, sometimes we may "lose it" and do something we either regret or are not proud of however regularly striking out at your children is a sure fire sign that you are struggling to cope with your toddlers problem behavior and you need some new skills and strategies to help you get through.
Now, I am not trying to add to the smacking debate that rages on when I say that. I am just trying to get the message across that physical abuse and violence is no way to try and correct problem toddler behavior. If you are often guilty of striking, hitting, shaking or slapping your children then I courteously request that you stop, take some time out and reassess the way you are handing out discipline in your household.
At the end of the day, dealing with the terrible two's (as well as that year or two on each side!) is all about communication. If you need help, I really recommend no better program to help you communicate with your toddler than the amazing Talking To Toddlers program. Find out more at my helpful and informational website -
http://www.theterribletwos.org