Getting Rid Of Four Traps That Ensnare Working Mums

Hands up if you've found yourself agonising over how best to discipline your child or compared yourself to all the other mothers in your Mothers and Toddlers playgroup. The good news is - you're not alone! The bad news is that while questioning our abilities is normal from time to time, for the working mum, it's often a constant. Huffington Post co-founder and columnist, Arianna Huffington, got it right when she described a working mother's doubt as a pumped up version of self-condemnation.

"I think while all mothers deal with feelings of guilt, working mothers are plagued by guilt on steroids!"

For working mums, guilt can indeed be a debilitating and pervasive plague that governs our thoughts 24-7. If you're finding your guilt is too much to handle, scheduling some Professional Coaching can provide you with useful coping techniques and relieve some of your worry! Being working mums, we struggle to give our best-to guarantee our kids' welfare, to cultivate our bond with our spouses, and to be triumphant in our careers. Yet, despite all we give of ourselves, we often let guilt rule the perceptions we hold of ourselves, causing four pitfalls that trap working mums in a spiral of negativity.

The root of guilt starts when a mother falls prey to perfectionism. When we think about society's "ideal mother", it's not difficult to realise why working mums feel tires and perturbed that they cannot do everything all at once and be everywhere. Chasing the Superwoman ideal in an apron and power suit, working mums can get caught up in doing things by the book and often end up taking life and their roles too seriously, only to feel shame and self-doubt when they can't meet their expectations. Tip: Dare to fail! As Thomas Edison said about his accomplishment, we now also know "a thousand ways not to build a lightbulb."Bear in mind, faults and failures are stepping stones to success!

Creating exaggerated standards only triggers self-doubt since we are pushed to realize our flaws. A lack of confidence in our ability to be good mothers can lead women down the path of procrastination, anxiety, and low self-esteem. By allowing self-doubt to infiltrate our thoughts, we also run the risk of creating self-fulfilling prophecies. Tip: Beat negative self-talk. Whenever you doubt yourself, replace your fear with a reminder of one of your successes! Seeking professional help through online coaching can help you manage and eliminate the negative filters that shape your thoughts and provide ways to reshape your self-perceptions.

A pattern I usually come across amongst working mums is their inclination to make apologies. Working mums tackle criticism from all points, from not being at home to take care of the kids to a slow growth in their careers. One woman I know admitted she felt heartbroken with guilt when another mother commented on her choice to maintain a career outside the home, saying "I could never bear to leave my kids alone all day with a stranger - I'd feel as though I were abandoning them!" When societal expectations and unsolicited advice overwhelm, many working mums feel shame for who they are and the decisions they make. But apologising from a shame-based place means that we devalue and disrespect our authentic being. Tip: As women in control of our own lives and responsibilities, we know intuitively that the decisions we make are best for our families and ourselves. Stop apologising for who you are and trust your instincts.

When we allow guilt to rule how we run our lives, we also let it shape our identity. By constraining ourselves out of guilt and anxiety, we place limits on who we are. Superwoman Syndrome places us in a position where we are only able view ourselves as mothers, employees, and caretakers, causing us to neglect the other aspects that make us whole. Forgetting our own needs can cause feelings of loss or detachment and ultimately resentment. Although it's a gradual process, hectic schedules and lack of "me-time" means that working mums are more prone to the dangers of losing selfhood. Tip: Stay in touch with you! Make a point of connecting with yourself and addressing your needs. Even five minutes a day of self-reflection or a weekly appointment with your local book club can make all the difference to maintaining a well-rounded life. If you're finding it too much to listen to your own needs or if you feel you've already been disconnected from your inner self, professional coaching may be the answer for you. Professional coaching can steer you in the right direction of rediscovering who you are.