For any parent, new or old, for any grandparent, baby sitter, kindergarten teacher or family friend, it will not be news for me to say that parenting and raising children is a very tough and demanding job. Once we add the delightful stage that is The Terrible Two's, parenting takes on a whole new level and can sometimes cause major problems in the once stable family unit. Whether or not you are going through the terrible two's toddler stage right now or you are about to, then the info in this article will go a long way to helping you understand it and get through it.
Before we proceed, a message of comfort to the parents out there of toddlers going through this stage. It is perfectly normal and the behavior displayed is in no way a fault of the parenting thus far, your toddlers individual make-up or how the toddler has been brought up.
Because the behavioral changes in most toddlers can be quite extreme, some parents actually feel that there may be something more serious happening however this could not be further from the truth.
This stage of development can be extremely tough on both the toddler themselves as well as the parents or guardians. As you would probably guess, The Terrible Two's normally starts at the age of two however it is not uncommon to see these changes from as early as 18 months and even as late as 4 years of age. In my personal case, my first born tricked us and did not start this behavior til his 4th year. Meanwhile my second son hit the terrible two's pretty much right on his second birthday!
Basically, terrible twos behavior is recognized as your toddler becoming very defiant and demanding, quite aggressive and ultra mischievous! If you notice you haven't seen them for a while then run to see what they are up to! Terrible two's toddlers are also very unreasonable and you simply can't bring them round to your way of thinking. It depends on the toddler but some only give you a little grief in this stage whereas others seem to be possessed by the devil!
Other commonly observed symptoms of terrible twos behavior is the fact that your child will pretty much refuse just about anything you ask of them! They can also get aggressive towards other children and hit and bite them. Then there is the grand display that is the TEMPER TANTRUM which almost always is thrown in public at the most embarrassing moments!
So why does this happen? Quite simply, just about all terrible two behavior is born out of his or her frustration. Imagine how awful it must feel to know exactly what you want to do, want to say and want to communicate, only to not have the ability to do so. Toddler brains are further ahead than their bodies and development so it is quite understandable that they may be stressed and angry at not being able to get their message across. Another contributing factor is that your toddler is checking to see where their current boundaries are and trying to work out how far they can be stretched if not broken. Naturally independent toddlers find this stage even harder as they try and assert this independence.
This certainly is a challenging time however you can successfully get through it especially if you follow a few of the basic tips in dealing with the terrible two's.
A great start is to clearly define boundaries and limits and then never allow them to be broken no matter how big the tantrum may be. Once your toddler knows the secret in defeating you, good luck in ever holding your ground ever again! When these boundaries are broken, make sure you then follow up with appropriate discipline. The use of Time-outs are perfect for this and they work well. Just make sure that when you put your child in their room or in a time-out place that they are safe and out of danger. Toddlers in a distressed state may have a tendency to throw things or bang walls and doors so always ensure they remain safe. Taking yourself out of the equation and putting some space between the two of you always helps. Toddlers like to feel as though they are in charge so instead of asking them vague questions such as what do you want for dinner, ask them if they would like chicken or beef. By letting them make decisions such as this, they feel as though they are in charge and calling the shots.
Above all, do not engage your toddler in an argument or yelling match. Rest assured you will not win and the old adage that "no one wins an argument" is never truer than when arguing with a toddler! Sometimes it is very easy to snap especially if the behavior has been going on more a while but never lash out at them and always remain calm in all your dealings with these misguided angels!
Although you will find that the terrible two's is one of the hardest parts of raising children, rest assured that it does not last too long in most cases and your loving, friendly and rational child will once again return!