Tantrums are really a normal developmental phase that every child goes through sometime in their young life. Every child has a different threshold for dealing with emotions of frustration or anger. Tantrums have varying levels of severity, depending on the child, the situation, the various tantrum triggers, and of course how the tantrums are treated by the parents.
The main reason behind tantrums is frustration. Small children may not understand how to cope with all these different emotions of anger and frustration. They feel what they feel but do not have the emotional maturity to execute these feelings in a calm manner.
It is important to understand why your child is having a tantrum, not so much the reason caused by the circumstances, but more so appreciate the aggravation that they are experiencing. Visualize a time when you might have felt frustrated, possibly a person cut you off in traffic, or perhaps dinner burnt but remember those feelings you experienced and how you responded to them. Maybe you yelled, perhaps you stomped your feet, or maybe you used some colourful expressions? Now, I'm not saying that you should accept this behaviour from your children, however I'm hoping you will have a better understanding of what they're going through.
With this better degree of understanding comes more patience and sympathy towards your toddler next time they throw a tantrum. You may not ever comprehend why your child is having a tantrum, as a child's grounds for an emotional performance is not always how an adult normally would rationalise the situation. You are able to however relate to the emotions that your child is feeling.
It is very important for you to stay calm whenever your child is having a tantrum. Leave them to work through their emotions. If you think back to yourself, when you are feeling frustrated, does it help if someone follows you around suggesting that you're over re-acting, and you must calm down? I'd think not. The same is true for your child.
You'll have a powerful effect on their behavior by trying your best to remain calm yourself. If you as a parent also get frustrated and start shouting and screaming, maybe stomping feet or even hitting, what message are you in essence sending to your child? It is by staying calm (as calm as one can during these testing situations) that you can guide your child to work through his emotions. When your child has calmed down you can talk to them concerning what has happened, why it happened, and how they think that they might deal with their frustrations better in the future. Remain relaxed at all times, and don't forget empathy and understanding goes a long way.
The key element to adhere to when getting through a tantrum is to NEVER give into your child's demands. By giving him what he wants, you're in essence stating that should you behave that way for long enough you will get what you want in the long run. I'll almost guarantee you this will only bring more tantrums later on.
When you are out in public, it is probably the most trying time for a parent to handle a tantrum child. The dread of judgement and ridicule is definitely present. I am here to inform you that it must not be the case. No one else understands your child and the circumstances as well as you. You cannot control exactly how your child chooses to conduct themselves, but you will have full control over your own behaviour. Follow though with the circumstances as you might in the privacy of your own home. Stay relaxed and in control, and carry forth your technique with full confidence realizing that your child's behaviour is in no way an expression of your functionality as a mom or dad. Do yourself proud; as it is how you tackle these situations as a parent which is most important, along with the lessons you'll be able to teach your child despite their choice in behavior. These types of lessons may very well have a encouraging impact on the choices your child makes in the future.