To be a good parent, one has to know where to draw the line from time to time. From the cradle to the grave, human beings have to learn to live within a set of limits- be it physical or social and psychological. Children need boundaries to keep them safe and to teach them the social norms of the society they live in. We set limits on nearly every aspect of daily life, from geographic boundaries to restrictions on TV shows and, latterly, Internet sites. Children need boundaries to be set on their physical movements and limits set upon their behavior. An infant need to learn not to go near a boiling saucepan or pick up sharp knives. We set boundaries in the form of guards and obstructions for babies as soon as they are able to move independently. The young infant often struggles to understand these restrictions are their for their own protection. This is in part due to the fact that we are programmed to learn from experience- trial and error.
As the child grows older, and they begin to interact within a wider social network, we impose more sophisticated restrictions on their behavior. It can be tempting for parents at this stage to admonish all bad behavior as naughtiness. Disobedience and misbehaving are part and parcel of the way a child learns.
Children will naturally attempt to push the boundaries of the restrictions as far as possible. It is important you recognize that this is done more out of curiosity than it is to wilfully disobey you. Children are born with the instinct to explore their surroundings; if you are too harsh or strict with them, the child will build up resentment. Therefore, setting limits should be a mixture of negotiation and orders. As they child matures, these negotiations will become more complex and involve a greater number of themes.
Setting limits is a process of give and take - what you take away with restrictions on the one hand you give back in the form of increased responsibilities in the other. Rather than seeing a limit as a restriction, you can turn a limit into a goal. A good starting point is to gradually increase their geographic boundaries as they prove themselves worthy of your trust. For example, if your child wants to be able to go next door to play, they must come and tell you first and must not go anywhere else, other than home. Next door may be the only place that they are allowed to visit without your permission. Later on the rule might change to one where the child can visit next door or the park across the road but they must let you know when they are changing locations and they must first show you they have road sense before being allowed to cross the road on their own.
Remember to give clarification about your reasons for imposing a boundary at all times. Rules are best made when they involve the children in question.together. Being a part of the rule-setting process helps them understand the rules and consequences better. Of course, you also need to make sure that once a rule has been been established, it is enforced consistently and with authority. When the rule is violated, remind the child of the consequence and make it happen. No matter what. Consistent application gives the child a feeling of security in knowing that your word is real and that you expect hers to be the same.
Rule setting is an art rather than a science. when exercised properly, limits show love, caring and understanding. Work with your children and not only will you keep them safe, but you will also earn their respect.