Does Your Date Frequently Say Nasty Things About His Ex?
We have all dated someone or even been in a relationship with the person who has plenty of dirt to talk about his or her ex? How does it make you feel when you encounter someone like that? Sometimes this can feel icky and unattractive. Other times, when you are still holding on to some resentments towards your ex, this can serve you as common ground to connect with this new person.
Dating someone who is clearly still resentful towards his or her ex is a sure way to build your next dysfunctional relationship. It is understandable to feel the connection with someone who is going through the same challenges or feels similar disappointments as you. Misery, as they say, loves company. The unfortunate part of this truth is that we start developing new bad habits of staying miserable just so we can keep this company. Sometimes we are drawn to people who's hearts aren't fully mended yet because we want to be the one to mend it for them. Perhaps we hope that this person can in turn fill in the emptiness we feel deep in our heart. Or maybe we just want to feel good about ourselves for "rescuing" someone, hoping to become the hero in their eyes. So we try and try very hard to be the best companion for them, to be loving and giving, desperately wanting to convince this person that we are so much better than their ex. Only to get hurt, disappointed and feel rejected in the end. Not so much because our "kind" efforts were turned down, but because we failed to honor ourselves in the process.
As a dating expert I strongly recommend anyone who still feels bitter about their past relationship not to date until they take the time and the effort to clear this baggage. And if you are really ready and available to be out there on the dating scene and you come across someone who is still stuck in the past, do yourself a favor and let this person go. Because most likely you have just encountered someone who is emotionally unavailable. If his trust was seriously violated because his ex girlfriend or wife was cheating on him, there is nothing you can do to repair his trust. Even if you are faithful and honest. He has to learn how to trust again first before he is capable of trusting you or anyone he meets in the future.
Ironically, people who have trust issues are typically attracted to the ones they find difficult to trust. Maybe because they are so invested in the idea that not trusting anyone is the safest thing to do. Our hearts secretly crave for challenges. Yet, the biggest challenge we sometimes tend to avoid is to look within.