Healing After Adultery - How To Stop The Negative Thinking

Discovering that your trusted spouse was having an affair is beyond comprehension. The level of despair and humiliation that you feel is probably the worse you have ever experienced. You feel betrayed and hurt, with bouts of indescribable emotional pain and anger. It seems that your life after adultery is filled with dark and ugly thoughts.

Not a day goes by that you don't think about the affair. You can't get past it. You are always thinking of it. It consumes your entire day. It's like you have no control over you own head. If you could just get rid of these thoughts, half the battle would be won but the betrayal is so hard to overcome. You often find yourself mired in negative thinking such as: is the paramour better looking? Smarter than me? What does he or she have that I don't?

Before you begin healing after adultery, you have to take control of those runaway negative thoughts and emotions by identifying the patterns, people, places or times that trigger such thinking. Understand that there is no quick-fix, because once negative thoughts get a hold of you it is very hard to shake them loose. But if you are willing to put forth the effort, you can learn to replace your old thoughts with positive replacements.

One thing you can do is to work on changing the events that trigger the painful thoughts. But first you need to identify times when your thoughts seem to get stuck in negative loops. What things start the negative loops for you? Is it that your spouse calls to say that he or she will be late? Or does it start when they are at work (if your spouse met the person at work). You've got to learn how to stop the thoughts jumping in at every opportunity by taking an active stance to break the cycle. For example, do not listen to songs or stories in the media about cheating. (change the channel) if that is going to trigger negative thoughts for you.

It's hard to comprehend how someone you loved and trusted for so many years has betrayed you. Yes, healing after adultery is sometimes a long and painful process, but you can heal emotionally and emerge a much stronger person as a result. You just need to seek out the help you need to reclaim your own thoughts once again.