How Compatible Do You Have to Be With Your Partner?
Someone has recently asked me the following question:"If two people are really in love but are not compatible, can the relationship work?" Well, that actually really depends on what you mean by compatibility.
Six months into the relationship, after all the dancing hormones of sexual chemistry between me and my ex-boyfriend have settled down it was clear to both of us that we were not compatible. In spite of all the disagreements we've had I still desperately tried to make the relationship work. He was from the south, I am from the north. He was conservative, I am liberal. He likes high adrenaline activities that could potentially kill you and I was never into them. He liked to watch "West Cost Choppers" and "Ultimate fighting championship" and I preferred "Sex and the City" and "Friends." We were arguing over politics, TV shows, which biking trail do we take and who should be paying for dinner. However, I truly believe that none of the above factors were the reason for our breakup, though he did use all of them as excuses to end the relationship with me.
My current boyfriend and I have quite a different story. He may not be a big fan of "Sex and the City" and the movies he prefers to watch are completely different from what I prefer, but we are much more compatible with each other. We do share the same political and spiritual views yet still; I don't think this is what makes our compatibility. By my definition, being compatible doesn't necessarily mean like the same things, have similar interests, hobbies or political views. Being compatible means to be open to accept each other differences, respect each other and at the same time never have the need to change the other person or yourself in order to be liked, accepted by the other or keep the relationship together. What I have in my current relationship is priceless. We can both be authentic and vulnerable with each other because we do not judge one another. We accept each others differences even at times when it's hard for us to really understand where the other person is coming from. I never had that in my previous relationship. I believed that if I don't change myself, if I don't compromise my values or bend them to be more flexible, he would leave me. I was terrified of losing that guy so I lost myself instead.
So what does it take to be compatible in a relationship? Two people who are willing to be open minded and emotionally mature with one another. Two people who are willing to accept each others point of view even when they don't understand it letting go of their need to be right. Two people who are willing to stop playing mind games with one another and are honest with each other instead. When you feel so great and comfortable to be yourself in your relationship, you know this relationship is working for you.