How Do I Win My Ex Back - Healing the Pain of Past Hurt
If you've split up with your ex, the chances are that there is a lot of built up resentment between the two of you. You may feel very hurt and blame it all on your ex but he or she may feel exactly the same towards you. If you are asking "How do I win my ex back?" then first of all you need to forgive. Whilst you are hurting and blaming, it is going to be very difficult to have any form of positive communication with your ex. So, how can you start to heal the resentment and take a step on the path to relationship recovery?
Take a Break to Gain Perspective
Get some space away from your ex and the current situation, so you can gain some proper perspective. When we are full of hurt and blame it is difficult to judge things correctly. Remember that your ex is a human being, as worthy of love and respect as you are. He or she will also have their own take on what went awry. We all make mistakes and get things wrong. Can you see what is needed to improve the relationship in the future? Without this, it will be difficult to make things work a second time. Remember that time is the great healer and will help you to separate the positive from the negative. Forgiveness is a must if you are to get a another chance.
Get Your Life Back Together
Take some time out to grieve by all means but then you have to start to get your life back together. Build up your own network of friends and resources. Get back out there and meet people. Get your life back together and make a fresh start. Do whatever it takes to make you feel good again. Here are some suggestions - lose weight, get fit, join a club, take up a hobby, get a new job, have a spa break, get a new hairstyle or buy that car or whatever else is on your "most wanted" list.
Rethink Your Communication Style
Relationships depend upon cooperation and mutual respect. If you've been nagging, shouting, sulking or moaning you probably haven't been much fun to be around. Now that you're getting your life back together, you will hopefully have an improved sense of humour and fun. Let your ex see this and make them laugh again. Win them round with your most radiant smile, the one they used to be in love with. Be the sort of person your ex would look forward to being around. Rethink your communication style so that you can handle disputes in a much more positive manner in future and nip those little niggles in the bud. Take responsibility for what you've been doing wrong in your relationship and put it right for next time.
Build Up Your Relationship Slowly
If you can win your ex around and get things back on a positive footing, you need to build up contact slowly. Don't try to get straight back into the relationship that you had. Don't pressurise or nag or be tempted to spend lots of time together just yet. Don't get jealous or angry if your ex has other priorities over you. Go back to the dating stage and take time to build up a solid positive relationship that is going to last. Avoid the temptation to bring up old grievances, apportion blame or discuss what went wrong at this stage - save that for when you are much closer.
How do I win my ex back? Forgiveness first and time to allow the hurt to heal. Then put the fun and friendship back into your relationship, without pressure, and you stand a chance of rebuilding the love that you had.