How To Get Over An Affair - 10 Things You Can Do To Move On

How to get over an affair and move on is the goal of those living with infidelity in their midst. For the injured spouse, it is a terrible situation to be in. The affair feels like it has taken over your life and you just don't know how to get those negative thoughts and emotions to leave your mind and to be able to just move forward. If this is what you are experiencing, here are some things that you can do:

Work on yourself and where you need to take responsibility

None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and most likely you contributed your fair share to the marriage problems. And while you have no control over what your spouse does, you can control you. Focus on you. Take steps to improve yourself, build up your self-esteem and make you the man or woman your spouse wants to be with.

Control your thoughts

Immediately after learning about the affair, you begin drowning in a negative pool of self-destructive thoughts which you can't seem to turn off. Learn to control your runaway thoughts, it's the only way you'll get some peace.

Let go of the anger

After the affair, you put up this wall of anger between you and your spouse. And you have every right to be angry with your spouse for hurting you so, but while anger can be useful, you don't want to be in a prolonged state of unrelenting anger. It is harmful to your physical and emotional health and it is not going to help you get over the affair.

Go to counseling

A good counselor can help you and your spouse put your life and marriage back in focus. Make sure that this counselor works for both of you. If at any point you feel that it is not working for one of you then change the counselor.

Set boundaries

Both of you need to set strict boundaries in your relationship when it comes to dealing with members of the opposite sex and resolve in your own heart never to cross those boundaries.

Open communication and transparency

When getting over an affair, both of you need to learn how to communicate effectively, with transparency and 100 percent honesty. You need to be able to 'see through' each other.

Identify the problems in your marriage that led to the affair

Cheating is a choice and there is no justification for it. However, your marriage may have been in bad shape before the affair, so you need to identify and fix any problems so you can start over with a clean slate.

Build a friendship

If you are the injured spouse, right now your cheating spouse is your enemy. You need to start viewing him or her as a friend. This is easier said than done, but if your spouse is showing that he is trying to work things out, in time you can build a friendship with him.

Forgiveness

Forgiving your spouse for cheating on you is not an easy thing to do. At the back of your mind is the thought that once you forgive, he can go right back and betray you again. Forgiveness is liberating, it can go a long way in helping you heal, but it is not going to happen overnight.

Concentrate on what will make the marriage thrive

Don't get stuck in the past, focus on what you can do to make your marriage better in the future. Get out of the marriage rut and have fun again with your spouse.

Knowing how to get over an affair and put your life back in focus is an ongoing process and can take a long time, so you have to be patient, give it time and try not to become discouraged.