After the affair, what are the next steps to repairing your broken marriage? After ten, fifteen, or thirty years of happy marriage, how could this happen? The feelings of denial, neglect, rejection, anger, and loneliness may be overbearing. These feelings may come out at the wrong times and may be taken out on the wrong people. You need to realize that these feelings are normal and that you are not alone.
Regardless of how long a marriage has lasted, an affair is a very traumatic event. The first stage that one goes through after the affair is denial. The fact that this is happening to "you" is so overbearing that you almost want to refuse that it's happening. The shock can be so great that some people don't accept it and end up repressing their feelings. The first step is not to repress your feelings but to come to terms with what has happened, no matter how difficult that may be.
Proactive Steps to Take after the Affair
You might also be going through feelings of anger, inadequacy, or neglect. This is definitely the most difficult obstacle in sustaining your marriage after the affair. Even though this might not occur to you, your spouse might be going through a tough time as well. He or she might be feeling remorse or regret.
If this is the case, it might be a wise decision to seek a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor can offer a third person perspective and act as a "mediator" between you and your spouse. When talking about the affair, use "I feel" statements instead of placing blame (even if your spouse may be 100% at fault). Also, be assertive and direct with your spouse about your feelings.
After all the feelings of denial and anger have subsided, you and your spouse can begin talking about ways to improve your marriage after the affair. You can talk about ways to "spice" up your marriage, such as romantic getaways or candlelight dinners. Furthermore, encourage one another to open up the lines of communication to prevent this from happening again.