Surviving Relationship Infidelity - Controlling Your Anger

As the injured party in a relationship infidelity triangle, you are naturally devastated by the fact that your spouse, whom you love and trusted has betrayed you in the worst possible way, by having an affair. You feel very lost, very, very angry and you can't stop thinking about the images of him or her being with someone else.

It's a natural urge for most people to be angry and verbally explode when they first discover that their spouse was having an affair. Initially, this anger can be useful to the injured spouse, but if you allow it to continue unbridled, it can do you more harm than good. Anger not only causes psychological stress and pain, it can also harm you physically.

In order to recover from relationship infidelity and repair your marriage, you need to let go of unrelenting anger and rage. There are a lot of reasons why you might be holding on to your anger for so long. You may look upon on anger and pain as a sort of protection. You may also feel that by being angry, you are showing your spouse how much they hurt you, which you hope will motivate them to take care of your hurt feelings and reassure you that it is not going to happen again.

You need to be able to give vent to your anger without getting angry. One way to do this is to change your attitude to one of friendship and start thinking of your spouse as your friend and not your enemy. That's easier said than done when you are the one that has been betrayed, but it is the best way to move forward with your marriage and heal the rage that is eating away at you.

In using anger as a weapon after relationship infidelity has occurred, you are allowing it to destroy you. Unrelenting anger does not serve you well. You really need to let go. This doesn't mean you should suddenly pretend everything is peachy in your marriage once again, because that is not realistic either. Learning to control your anger will help you first of all to accept what happened and hopefully forgive your spouse for the transgression.