A member of Inner Bonding Village asked the following question:
"I'm a little confused. My mother is visiting me, and sometimes we have a nice time together. But often her way of bonding with me or anyone else is to talk about other people's problems. Most of the time I find it draining. It feels like she is never happy and uses her 'caring' and problem solving abilities to avoid something else."
The questioner's understanding of this situation may be exactly what is happening - his mother is likely using her addiction to gossip as a way of connecting with her son and avoiding her own emptiness and aloneness that is the result of her self-abandonment.
I had a phone session with Gil over this very same issue.
"After Mindy and I come back from a social event, or have a social event at our house, we often spend time gossiping about other people, judging them fairly harshly. I don't know why we do this. It kind of feels good at the time, but after I notice that I feel badly."
"What feels good at the time?"
"I guess it feels good to our ego wounded self to feel like we are one up to these people, and it gives us something to connect about."
"And what feels bad after?"
"I think it doesn't feel good to my inner child to think badly about others. He doesn