by: Jeanette Castelli
If it's being a long time, and you are still going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don’t need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn’t matter how long you have suffered, or how deep the pain is, it is time to let go and welcome a new life.
If it hasn’t been easy to heal after your breakup or divorce, the cause may be a strong attachment to your ex, causing deep emotional pain in your life. Emotional pain is generally accompanied by deep emotions such as melancholy, depression, regret and anger.
There is a constant internal conflict caused by your need and desire to feel good and the pain caused by the uncontrollable memories associated with your ex. This conflict can leave you exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. At times, you may feel that it is hopeless to do anything, because you feel that there is no way you can eliminate those memories or even change them. Sometimes you may find that the pain goes away and that you are able to move on; however, it only seems to be temporarily, because the pain seems to come back again and again. You wonder if you will ever be able to forget or remember without pain.
Don’t despair. There is a true healing solution. First, you need to know and acknowledge that you deserve to let go. You don’t need to be permanently attached to painful memories and experiences. It may be easier than you think to change these negative feelings, and to stop the conflict inside of you.
Decide right now that you deserve to let go and move on. You don’t need those memories anymore. You certainly don’t need the internal conflict or the strong negative feelings anymore. You have better things to do with your life. You deserve to let go starting NOW. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been attached to the haunting memories of your ex(es); NOW is a good time to let go of the pain, LAYER BY LAYER.
The Layers Of Deep Healing
When memories are so painful, we may wish we had selective amnesia, and forget certain times and people in our lives. Unfortunately, it is very unlikely to get such amnesia; but we can transform all the painful memories into neutral memories, that don’t drain us emotionally.
How can you transform deep pain into neutral memories? By using the layer system to heal deep emotional pain. This system is nothing more than a process of healing layer by layer, until all the pain is gone. Each layer is different from the other, and includes different elements that contribute to the pain. When you work each layer and then let it go, you heal that layer; then you can move on to the next one, until all are healed.
Imagine that you need to get rid of a white onion. If you peel a few layers of the onion, you still have some more left. Only by peeling ALL THE LAYERS, you can get rid of the onion fully.
The reason why some methods of emotional healing seem to work is because they heal one or two of the layers; however, if the other layers are not healed, then the pain will return.
There are four layers of deep pain and healing. There is pain coming from each layer, from memories, imaginary situations and thoughts. These sources of pain can be identified and transformed. As you work through each layer, you will heal all deep emotional disturbances. When you are done, the memories of your ex will just be memories such as your history professor in 8th grade, or a casual coworker from your last job. Believe it!
© 2005 Jeanette Castelli. Adapted from the book “Breakup Rescue: Deep Healing” by Jeanette Castelli, M.S. A do it yourself Workshop-In-A-Book®. Features a step-by-step guidance through the layers of deep pain and healing associated with any breakup, separation or divorce. Proven method to heal the deepest and most overwhelming breakup pain. Great resource to go with any 12-step recovery program. Includes exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Personal coaching available from author. Book available at website: http://extreme.urbantex.com/deephealing.html/. Email: postmaster@urbantex.com