We all run across these people who talk and talk and talk. They forget to include you in their conversation. You know who I am talking about here. They are the ones who run a monologue on you and you just stand there for a while so shocked that you can't move then you yell fire! to get away from the conversation.
Now this person, who is chatty cathy, is using me for attention and approval she does not seem to be able to give to herself.
She does not offer me anything she just takes my energy. I call these people emotional vampires. Now if I just stand there and listen I am doing two things that I never want to do in my life. I am caregiving afraid to hurt this person's feelings and I am enabling her to continue in this non-productive behavior.
Now I have someone in mind as I write this article. She is so needy. I do feel sorry for her but I do not want to just give her pity. I also do not want to just stand and spend my precious time as she pacify or calm chronic insecurity, her lonliness, and her emptiness. Whenever, I am out with her she traps not only me but store clerks, bank tellers, whoever will listen and don't know how to get away from her without being impolite. I avoid this person whenever possible and finally had to just tell her I didn't have time to be at the end of a one sided conversation. I told her it drained me when she talked and talked and tried to fill up at my expense. Sound mean I don't think so. Most people would just avoid her and not answer the phone when her number comes up.
Now it is my belief that she needs to heal her addiction. The inner child in her is looking for attention. Perhaps the attention she never got as a child. Every time she traps someone into to listening to her she is handing away her responsibility. It really is her that needs to listen to herself and pay attention. She needs to give that child approval. She wants someone else to take her responsibility. By handing the responsibility for her life back to her and treating her as an adult I am showing her respect that she deserves.
Like all addictions her's is trying to get someone to fill the hole in her soul.
I suggested to her that she listen to herself and start responding to her emotions and needs. She could perhaps spend some time journaling every night. She could start with small treats for herself like getting a massage, or a facial once a month. Maybe buy herself a new outfit. I told her that I had found a lot of self-love by listening to my needs. I also told her that at first it was very hard to give myself what I wanted and needed or to even recoginise what it was that I desired. I also told her that no one could fill those needs for her but her and Higher Power.Did she change I don't know because I have not seen her for a while. But I know I wasn't helping her by listening for hours to her monologue. I am showing love for myself by respecting my time. Now I am not saying you should not listen to your friends or family. Listenig is one of the most loving gifts one can give. I am saying to support someones addictions and not take care of you is just not healthy.
When you run across this kind of person look at what she might be mirroring in you. Ask yourself what need does she fill in your life. Is she an excuse to just be resentful?
Are you taking care of you by including this person in your life?
About the Author
Judi Singleton publishes eight blogs a week. Visit her at
http://totheuniverseblog.blogspot.com/