You’ve probably been hearing a lot about Emotional Intelligence and wondering what it is. In this article we’ll talk about what Emotional Intelligence is, what it can do for you, and why it’s the best solution for your challenges.
DEFINITION
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is about your ability to understand and manage your own feelings and those of others, and to use this information to guide you to relate better, plan more flexibly, make better decisions, think more creatively, prioritize, motivate yourself and others, and enjoy better health.
Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” defined it as “the wider range of qualities which enable people to excel – self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, empathy, etc.”
WHAT CAN IT DO FOR YOU?
Emotional Intelligence is based on a number of competencies you can learn. Four of them are CREATIVITY, INTENTIONALITY, RESILIENCE and AUTHENTICITY. Depending upon which system you study, there are around a dozen of these competencies.
WHY IT’S THE BEST SOLUTION: Occam’s Razor
The Principle of Parsimony originated with mediaeval philosophy. It means you shouldn’t make more assumptions than the minimum needed.
The Principle of Parsimony became known as Occam’s Razor because William of Occam (or Ockham), an influential 14th century British philosopher and theologian used it so often. Here is his photo: http://wotug.kent.ac.uk/parallel/www/occam/occam.gif.
"Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate,” he wrote, or "plurality should not be posited without necessity,” which could be rephrased as “keep it simple.” It means we should use the razor to keep shaving things off of theories and explanations until we get to the essence. Choose the simplest explanation that covers the data; the one that requires the fewest leaps of logic.
THE CHALLENGE
Now, say you don’t get along at the office. You’re stuck working with someone you can’t stand. They’re always backbiting you and this has happened before. You’re not in the loop. You aren’t included and you know it’s holding you back professionally. In a word you might say, “I don’t get along at work.”
Should you decide to consult a therapist, [s]he would begin looking for causes and generating hypotheses and they would be multiple (or plural). Hypotheses are reasons why something is happening. The therapist might want to know about your childhood and your physical health. Maybe your father beat you, or you’re in chronic pain from a back injury. Do you have an authority conflict? Where were you in the birth order? Are you in a co-dependent relationship? Are you hostile? Passive-aggressive? Do you have bad breath or body odor? Do you hate men?
It’s possible to find an individual for whom all those “causes” would be true and if you’re thinking in that vein, most people would have multiple causes. If you are in chronic pain and were abused as a child, both could explain your not being able to get along with people, and neither one could be eliminated.
OCCAM’S RAZOR
Now let’s apply Occam’s Razor. What’s the most parsimonious explanation for why you don’t get along? BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO.
·Why aren’t you CREATIVE? Because you don’t know how to be.
·Why aren’t you INTENTIONAL? Because you don’t know how to be.
·Why aren’t you RESILIENT? Because you don’t know how to be.
·Why aren’t you AUTHENTIC? Because you don’t know how to be.
Emotional Intelligence teaches you how. These are all competencies that can be learned.
LEARNING EQ
I read on someone’s website the other day that EQ is hard to learn. On the contrary, I find most clients pick it up quickly because it’s such a relief. “No one ever explained that to me,”they say, or “Now I get it.” These competencies are things we can always improve throughout our lifetime, however most people see immediate positive results. The point is to set the train on the tracks so it can start rolling.
EQ is such a good system, Lulwa, a client in Abu Dhabi took the program on the Internet, with interaction by phone, instant message and email and said, after just 3 months: [quote] Since I started learning emotional intelligence, I have noticed the following positive changes:
1.I am more patient in dealing with angry people.
2.The ability to empathize with others helps in being able to receive love from others
3.I get in less fights in conversations
4.It is easier for me to solve problems
Lulwa, who gave me permission to quote her, was getting benefits in her life after just a few weeks. Undoubtedly she will continue improving because she has the foundation in place and is getting rewards. Why would you stop doing something that makes it easier for you to solve problems? Once you’ve learned empathy, you can’t forget it.
Colleen Sibeijn, who took The EQ Foundation Course© ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/EQcourse.htm ), weekly interactive lessons on the internet for three monts, also got quick and lasting results. “I did the course last year and have become so much more in tune with my emotions and of those around me,” she said. “I am more in control of them and my family and friends have noticed.”
BENEFITS
So benefits are rapid and long-lasting because they’re self-perpetuating. Taking our four competencies again,
·CREATIVITY: Picasso was creative, but if it were something you ‘have’ one day forever, he wouldn’t have had a blue period and a cubism period.
·RESILIENCE: Life can throw us a curve that requires a new level of resilience, but once you know how to be resilient, you have the building blocks.
·INTENTIONALITY: As you continue to apply Intentionality to the projects and relationships in your life, your ability at this will improve.
·AUTHENTICITY: Your ability to be authentic will be tested daily, because it takes self-discipline. You can constantly flex this muscle once you know where it is.
Emotional Intelligence teaches you the skills for making your life work better. It can be learned and most people see results immediately. Now that you know what it is, why not consider increasing yours?
The best method is to take a course and do some reading, and then to have some coaching by a certified Emotional Intelligence coach. EQ involves social and emotional skills, so you don’t really learn them until you put them into practice and get expert feedback. You can report back to your coach about how you handled something and learn what would’ve worked better, and you can also work directly with your coach on skills as the need occurs in the coaching conversation.
There’s no downside, and the upside is very helpful.
About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc. Coaching, distance learning, and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your continued personal and professional development. I train and certify EQ coaches. Get in this field, dubbed “white hot” by the press, now, before it’s crowded, and offer your clients something of real value. Start tomorrow, no residence requirement. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.