How I Experience Fear of Rejection - How About You?

I'm sure we all suffer from fear of rejection.

I'm sure we all notice others suffering from it too, from time to time. And even though we understand that they're having this fear, we probably still don't think we'd respond to their 'situation' the same way that they do.

And this lack of sympathy despite knowing that we all suffer from fear of rejection.

Strange, eh!

No, not really. Not when you understand how powerful this fear of rejection inside us all really is. This rejection fear is so strong, so at our core, that we can barely admit to ourselves that this fear is real.

"Yes," we say, "I have a fear of rejection. Now let's change the subject!" (It's a bit like the classic truism that nobody is perfect. There are not many of us who can then go on to elaborate on how we are imperfect. And even fewer of us who can let others do the elaborating!)

So rather than talking about us, or about you, and this fear of rejection, let me talk about me - and my rejection fear.

I shall do my best, but bear with me if I start to wobble. (Be kind, too.) This is unfamiliar territory...



Okay, how do I know that I fear rejection?

Well, I do almost anything to avoid being put in various situations - situations like these:

(A) Expressing an opinion that another may disagree with strongly

(B) Approaching women, letting them know of my interest in them, when they turn out to be completely uninterested in me

(C) Being home alone when I'd rather be out enjoying myself with others

Now these situations (or similar) may well be ones that you fear, too, but the difference for me is that I will go to great lengths to NOT find myself there.

(A) So I will try not to criticise others at all costs lest they might criticise me in return (and 'reject' who I am)

(B) So I will only get involved with women when it's REALLY clear that they're interested in me, even if I'm not interested in them (then a potential 'rejection' doesn't matter)

(C) So I will quite often get angry with people when I invite them out, and they - for some reason or other - turn down my invitation. (I can feel humiliated. Really. Because, now I must face my demon of... being home alone!)

So, what I'm saying here is that my fear of rejection can often manifest itself thus:

(A) I fear someone not liking me

(B) I fear a woman not finding me attractive

(C) I fear being alone (fear of abandonment, maybe?)

Of course - and I'm sure you'll agree - I'm crazy to tie myself down with these fears, to stop myself living just because someone might 'turn me down'.

And, of course, I completely agree with you back. But still... here I am!

Maybe. Maybe if I can truly embrace the wisdom of the inspirational life quotes below, then I can accept my fears but still carry on living too. And maybe these inspirational quotes might work for you and your rejection fear, too, who knows... "A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success." Bo Bennett

Or how about:

"Life is a succession of lessons, which must be lived to be understood." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Or, if the message about 'life' (it is what it is) still isn't hitting home, how about this inspirational quotation:

"Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." Don Miguel Ruiz

Hmm, the world inhabited by the likes of Bo Bennett, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Don Miguel Ruiz sounds like a world that I'd like to inhabit too. A world where I can have fears, make mistakes, 'win some and lose some', and still have the same appetite for more, more, more.

So. This is how I experience fear of rejection, and how I'm going to conquer this fear, too, maybe - how about you?