by: Gene Simmons
Hmmm, there’s Bob. I haven’t seen him in a while so I think I’ll go over and talk with him for a minute. “Hey, Bob! How’s it goin’?”
“Well let me tell you Gene, things have never been so good for me. Last year I started my own business and within nine months had made over two hundred and fifty thousand dollars! Two hundred and fifty! Can you believe that? Well, since I was doing so good, I went out and bought a brand new house up in the new Elite Subdivision by the lake. Got a heck of a deal for it, too. It was originally going for one point four – that’s as in million – do you believe that? - but I was able to con them down to only one point two. Remember, that’s million, right? Can you believe it? Then Linda says to me, “Bob, we really need to get at least two new cars to go with our one point two million dollar house.” So I said “Sure, why not?” And the very next day we went down to the Special Car dealership – you know the one I mean, right? And we picked out one of those Super Deluxe SUV’s – you know the one I’m talking about, right? But I tell you what, we got one heck of a deal! Yep, turns out the owner of the dealership has the house right across the street from our new one and because we’re neighbors – can you believe that? – he cut us one heck of a deal. He also personally – you hearing me here? – personally wrote out the special order for our new Special Deluxe convertible. Had to pull a few strings at the factory to get it on the assembly line but hey, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, right? Then since we were right down on Snob Row, Linda and I figured we might as well just cruise into the Deluxe Speedboat dealership and you wouldn’t believe what we got. You know that special, blah, blah, blah……”
Wonder what I did to deserve all that? Oh yeah, I did ask him how it was going, didn’t I? Remind me to not do that again. Oh hey, there’s Helen! It must be at least five or six years since I talked with her. “Helen! Helen! Hi – how are you?”
“Oh, Gene! It’s good to see you again. Gene, you won’t believe what I’ve gone through since we talked at the – where was it now? – I just can’t seem to remember things anymore. Anyway, had I had my hysterectomy the last time I saw you? Golly, it seems so long ago and yet it really wasn’t. Did I tell you what happened right after that? Gee, it was sooo bad! What happened was that I got a really bad infection – yeah, right there – so I went back to this SOB that cut on me and told him flat out to his face that this really bad infection was all his fault and that he had no right to even be practicing medicine much less cutting on people. Of course, he denied right then and there that any of my problem was his fault. Pompous ass! I don’t know who he thought he was because anybody with half the sense God gave a goose would know that any time you have your baby-maker torn out, any infection – and you know where – after that obviously is because the doctor screwed up something during the operation. What an idiot! I mean, yeah, he offered to do an exam on me to check things out but I told that SOB that he wasn’t laying his fat paws on me one more time and the next thing he’d be hearing from me would be through my lawyer. Well, I tell you what I did then. I marched right out into his big ole fancy waiting room with all those sick people sitting there and – God’s honest truth – I told them all exactly what happened and that they’d better not go through that door into one of his special little rooms or they’d wind up just like me. Oh, and have I told you that last year, I was walking up the steps into the mall and slipped on something and fell right down in front of God and everybody and they had to call the paramedics and they checked me out and found out that blah, blah, blah…”
Sure, I know that folks like Bob and Helen are on this old planet for a reason and maybe it’s to learn that they have a lot left to learn. And maybe there’s a lesson in this for me too. Maybe it’s tolerance. Maybe…