by: Holly Bentz
When It’s Really YOU and Not, Me
We've all heard the popular rejection, "It's not you but it's me." In actuality, we tend to internalize the statement to mean, "There's something about you that I cannot seem to get pass." But before one becomes overwhelmed by self-imposed inadequacy, it's good to evaluate the beholder. Quite often, singles enable other individuals to validate their self-worth.
The co-dependency of acceptance is not limited in our love relationships, either. In the seventh, grade I will NEVER forget the words of a Choir Director. He told me – “I’m going to give you an ‘A’ for effort; but, you should never ever try to sing again.” For years, the words haunted me. The same teacher was later found to be molesting 11 year old boys. Nevertheless, the beholder, in this case, was nothing more than a melodic pedophile.
This same logic applies when one is rejected in a relationship. Not saying that every person who doles out rejection is a child abuser, but everyone has issues. When I was in college, I used to think that cheating behavior was based on my failure to maintain a guy’s interest.
My first boyfriend used to cheat on me all the time. For four years, I thought that I was a defect only worthy of the trauma and drama of deception. Although, Kevin showed all the signs of a manic depressant alcoholic, I was too naive to see and hear the alarms and sirens. After we broke up for the gazillion time, I begin to date healthy people and realize, that it was not me but his issue that he was a philanderer.
In retrospect, cheating is the perfect example of when “it’s really you and not, me.” Beyond college days and in the real world, cheating is a demonstration of one’s unhappiness or lack of love for thyself. When people love themselves, they respect others. As a result, they understand the impact of how an indiscretion may affect the relationship and hurt the other person. Moreover, cheating is a self-serving act that borders on psychopathic tendencies similar to Scott Petersen.
Being healthy necessitates relationships that enhance your being. Considerate intelligent individuals do not cheat. So the next time, someone tells you that it’s not you but them, thank them. It sure beats dating an emotionless non-evolved cheater. Sometimes, rejection can be the best medicine to avoid a devastating relationship – especially when it’s them and not you, who is incapable of establishing a long-term relationship.