There are many ways that fear stops us from moving forward easily. We often become unable to take action due to fear of making mistakes. However, there's nothing wrong with mistakes. Mistakes are your friend. You cannot get up if you do not fall down. No child would ever walk if he feared falling down. It is natural to take action, learn from what happens, and move forward. In fact, it's good to make a so-called mistake. It means you've taken a risk. You've stood up to fear and became stronger than it. A great teacher, Dogen, said, "Life is one continuous mistake."
Anytime you stand up to fear, take a risk, take action, you have won. If you fall down a hundred times, that means you have won a hundred times. You have faced fear one hundred times, got up and tried again. It doesn't matter how your action turns out. You have lessened fear's hold on you and reclaimed your original freedom.
Take a look, at the times you made a mistake, fell down. Describe what happened. What did you learn from it? What did you fail to learn? Write down what you "thought" should have happened.
Often you call something a mistake because the outcome is something you did not expect, or enjoy. But who's deciding it was a mistake? If the outcome were different, would it have been okay?
You decide a mistake is a mistake. But it's just something that happened and turned out a certain way. Do you call it a mistake because you weren't able to control all aspects of life? Who can? Why should you?
It is fascinating to see how much we feel we must be perfect all the time. These feelings embedded in fantasy, and are the voice of fear.
What's Wrong with Being Wrong?
What's wrong with being wrong? Write down all the times you were wrong? Who cared? What happened? Was it the end of the world? Did you learn something from being wrong?
List five ways you can be wrong now. Do one each day. See what happens? Is it so terrible?
By being so afraid of being wrong and insisting on always being right, you drive yourself crazy. You drive others crazy as well. If you feel someone else is wrong, you dismiss or reject them. Or, if you imagine that someone else is right and you're wrong, you feel inadequate. Living in this manner, you are firmly caught in a mirage. Mirages aren't only in the desert, our lives are filled with them. The mirage of being a perfect person, having to always be right, not able to be wrong, is simply a mirage. It drives you crazy searching for perfection and never brings happiness into your life.
Don't Worry About The Consequences of Your Actions
Nothing will break this defeating pattern but learning to take whole hearted action, doing what you do as fully as you can, with your whole heart and not worrying about the outcome. When you take wholehearted action, step by step your life changes, you come out of hiding and remember who you are. The outcome of your actions are not your business. Just take each step whole-heartedly, and see what happens. Just focus on the action itself. Don't give a gift to someone, secretly demanding a thank you, a gift or favor in return.. That is living from an ulterior motive. Your attention is on what you're getting back in return. And when you don't get it, anger and resentment develop. Your gift was not a true gift. It was a form of manipulation. Don't go on a date sitting there wondering if you are making a good impression, saying the right things, or if he'll call again. Just put your attention on him, make friends. Enjoy the time for what it is, find out about this person without expecting anything. If you're focusing upon results, anxiety, fear, and dread appear. If you just throw yourselves completely into the action, enjoy it, do it fully, you receive satisfaction in the doing, and fear vanishes and you can enjoy whatever comes along.
Discover life changing steps to releasing fear, building fearless relationships and reclaiming your original wisdom and strength in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind, by Dr Brenda Shoshanna, www.becomefearless.org. Psychologist, author and workshop leader shows you how to let go of worry, anxiety and disappointing relationships and live life to the brim. Contact her at:
topspeaker@yahoo.com