Are you a mobber? Have you ever made fun of people behind their backs? Spread rumors? Played practical jokes that weren’t really funny and got others to join in your laughter? Have you joined in some of this behavior thinking you were right or justified, or perhaps because you didn’t want to be excluded from the group? If you ever have done this, don’t beat yourself up over it. Just be aware the next time you are tempted to treat another person in this way that this is bullying and mobbing is group bullying.
It is a ‘ganging up’ on someone using the tactics of rumor, innuendo, discrediting, isolating, intimidating, and above all, making it look as if the targeted person is responsible. As is typical of many abusive situations, the perpetrators maintain that the victim ‘deserved it.’
Mobbing is emotional abuse that results in depression, isolation, paranoia, physical and/or emotional illness, sometimes suicide, sometimes overt acts of retaliation and aggression. At the very least, it leaves permanent scars. Many targets suffer from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). There is always injury.
Mobbing has no age preference, no gender preference, no race preference, and no work preference. It can happen to anyone. It can happen to you, someone you care about, or the person sitting next to you in any environment. It may have already happened to you or to someone you know and you didn’t understand what it was. When a mobbing is in progress it can be one of the most confusing situations in which you will find yourself. It is so subtle that you begin to wonder if perhaps your abusers are right and that you aren’t the person you always thought you were. It shatters self-esteem.
How many of us saw bullies picking on kids in the school yard while we were growing up? Everyone saw that! Since the shooting in San Diego, after which the perpetrator stated that he had been bullied, a huge public awareness campaign was launched. Many articles recently have been written on the subject.
Mobbing has been a household word in German-speaking countries for many years. The original research on workplace mobbing was done in Sweden, beginning in the early 1980’s, by industrial psychologist Dr. Heinz Leymann.
Two years ago, my co-authors and I published a book called Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. After the Columbine High School incident, I developed dignity and respect communication workshops for teens and created mobbing awareness posters for schools and businesses.
The response to these efforts has been minimal. Unfortunately, people usually don’t become interested in an issue until it personally affects them or threatens their immediate interests in some way. For example, we may not worry about pollution until our own drinking water is fouled. In this case, someone had to die and a finger directly pointed at this type of behavior before anyone would pay real attention to this issue, though all of us have been aware of this type of problem for years.
The response to potential violence is more reactive than proactive. Instead of creating awareness and promoting dignity and respect for all people, security systems and surveillance cameras are installed. Stiffer gun control laws are suggested. The plain truth is that many people are walking around with a deep anger inside of them and don’t know why. I believe that one of the reasons is because so many have been treated like objects rather than as unique human beings for too long. When I share this observation during a presentation, virtually everyone in the room expresses agreement.
When a person is treated like an object, there is the tendency to see others that way also. The target of a mobbing or bullying isn’t viewed as a person, but rather as a ‘sort of a person.’ Certainly not as much of a person as someone the perpetrator knows well or with whom they share caring feelings.
What happens to school bullies and mobbers when they grow up and become workers? Do they stop that behavior, if it was successful for them, just because they are grown up and ‘big people’ now? No. They often turn to subtlety, because overt bullying behavior can be construed as harassment.
Insight and awareness play a major role in change. So many people engage in this type of behavior without thinking. Prevention includes paying attention not only to what we’re doing but also to what is going on around us. Most people don’t intentionally abuse someone. When Swedish researchers explained to co-workers what had happened to the individual as a result of their actions, they were appalled that they could have participated in anything that would have damaged another human being to that extent.
We pay attention to the big stories that are showcased in the media. Our lives are full of little stories that are never broadcast. We don’t hear about the child who is afraid to ride the school bus because no one will sit with them or because of what others say to them. We don’t hear about the worker who dreads going to work and suffers from nightmares because of the work environment. We don’t hear about the people who are so distracted by this type of behavior being directed at them that they are involved in an auto accident. We don’t hear about divorces or other forms of personal suffering. Just because a person hasn’t been ‘beaten up’ doesn’t mean that they haven’t been beaten up inside.
Here’s an example of how insight and awareness can make a difference. A woman had read the mobbing book and was telling someone about it. These two attended an aerobics class together. There was a relatively new member of the class who was rather uncoordinated and as a result was throwing everyone off of their rhythm. Although she was friendly, the other class members talked about her, made fun of her behind her back and wished she’d just drop out and leave. Suddenly one of the two chatting about mobbing said, “‘Oh my goodness! Are we mobbing this woman??”
It was a revelation. They decided to get to know the woman better. They found that she was an intelligent, professional person who did a lot of good work with teens. They found that when they looked past her loud voice and her uncoordinated movements that she was a person who they could like and respect. That’s what the word respect means as I interpret it. To ‘look again.’
The woman is still in the class. She stands in the back row. And the others have stopped their mobbing behavior simply because they became aware of what they were doing, and the implications and potential result of their actions. Most of us choose to believe that we are basically good human beings. And we’re right. The more aware we become of the fact that others are good human beings also, worthy and entitled to be treated with dignity and respect without exception, the closer we will be to recreating our world and helping to heal it. Awareness is the key.
About the Author
Gail Pursell Elliott, speaker, author, educator, human resources and training consultant, is the founder of Innovations “Training with a Can-Do Attitude” TM , promoting dignity and respect, no exceptions, in companies and communities nationwide. Gail is co-author of the book Mobbing: Emotional Abuse In The American Workplace, as well as the author of training, motivation, inspirational materials, and poetry.
Website: www.innovations-training.com