by: Wayne and Tamara
Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24, 2003
I met someone over the weekend who is very, very famous. I was volunteering at a sports function and his sister was working the function. As the day progressed, she and I really hit it off. She asked me to take drinks to the suites upstairs. Someone asked who I was, and from there no one would leave me alone.
I was told someone in the next suite likes me. I went over and this guy, let's call him "D," just smiled but was so shy. He had to go on stage and speak, but his friend said for me to stay. D's sister's best friend took me aside to let me know D really likes me because I am different and he thinks I am sexy.
Okay, let's hurry this along. We all hung out, but D didn't talk to me at all in the suite. We went to a club. At the club D was dancing and hanging all over this girl from the big brewery, the one that sponsors all these events. I thought to myself, he sure as heck isn't shy with her.
I admit I had quite a few beers, but I made sure not to drive. I'm big on that. Well, we went to someone's house, and D comes up to me and starts talking. We ended up kissing and having sex. When I woke up, D was downstairs. I felt terrible, partly because of the beer, but then because of what I did.
I went to get D. I wanted to see how the chemistry was without alcohol. We had sex again. When I figured it was time to leave, I got dressed. He sat down next to me but didn't really talk. I wanted him to ask for my number, but I wasn't going to give it to him unless he asked.
He asked. That was last Saturday, less than a week. D travels 38 weekends a year. His time is limited. He has girls all over him. What is your perspective on sex like this? Is it possible he will even call me?
Vanna
Vanna, D is anything but shy. He is lazy, though. He knows that as part of a famous person's retinue, he doesn't have to make an effort to get girls to go to bed with him. One woman said you were "different." What she meant was you are not the girl from last weekend or the girl from the weekend before.
D thought you knew how this worked. The morning after you're supposed to swipe a road jacket and one or two other souvenirs, then leave. Since you didn't seem to get it, he asked for your phone number as a way of getting rid of you.
It is never to a woman's advantage to get drunk and have sex with men she doesn't know. You won't be respected until you respect yourself.
Tamara
Monkey Business
My husband went on a business trip, and I found a condom in his back pocket. I have been having trust issues with him. Then he goes and does this! Do I need to jump to conclusions? How should I handle this?
Bernice
Bernice, if he took a tennis racket with him, what would you assume? He intended to play tennis. If he took golf clubs, what would you assume? He intended to play golf. Since he took a condom, it sounds like he intended to play around.
There is a difference between evidence of intent and jumping to conclusions. You have evidence. Even before speaking to him, you know there is no reasonable explanation for him taking a condom on a trip you weren't going on.
When you confront him, you are not likely to get an answer which resolves this. So first, you need to think about your options for the future and make plans.
Wayne