In physics or energy transmission, we know – (negative) attracts to + (positive) and repels from – (negative). Using the same basic formula we’ll substitute “positive” females and “negative” with males. (Heterosexual Males are attracted to females, and repelled from males)
If you are a male and behave like a male, a heterosexual female will be attracted to you (or at least your gender). But if a male does everything he can to please the opposite sex (pun intended) and acts sweet and friendly and artistic and gentile and kind and submissive and loving and tender, will a very feminine female be attracted to that male?
NOT A CHANCE.
The above listed personality traits are wonderful, but very feminine in nature. A male who possesses and behaves through these qualities (a majority of these qualities as his facade personality) will appear effeminate.
A woman has girlfriends and family to provide her those things anyway. A female needs to feel a powerful, inexplicable attraction towards a male in order for progression to occur towards a sexual and/or committed relationship. If a male is exuding an energy that is very positive, she will be repelled by it. For whatever reason, probably because of thousands of years of evolution and human development, this is an axiom innately embedded into our social and biological ways. Feminine females are attracted to masculine males and vice-versa. Opposites do attract, specifically concerning attraction that is driven by primal sexual instincts.
Today, specifically because of the collapsing of the traditional family and the grey-shading of gender roles and a phenomenon I call unisexification, it is difficult to know how to behave towards the opposite sex, specifically during courtship. Now-a-days assertive or slightly aggressive behavior (which is a universally attractive characteristic of male mammals of ANY specie) is frowned upon, by our legal system and mass media. This is scaring males into become wussies, for fear of getting sued for groping, harassment and other fine-line crimes. By no means am I trivializing the seriousness of sexual harassment or violence towards women. In fact, I would go as far as suggest that because of the social discouragement of certain, natural and intrinsic, male characteristics, men are more like to bottle up feelings that eventually are released in a morbid or unacceptable way. Unisexification and discouraging males from being males, actually contributes to their sometimes-disturbing behavior toward women.
Am I saying that aggression, decisiveness, cynicism, sarcasm, focus, constructiveness, drive and goal-orientation are primarily male attributes? YES I AM.
Am I saying females can not or do not have any of these traits? I certainly am not! Males and females can share all sorts of characteristics that can be deemed either male or female. But this is not about males and females, but more about masculine and feminine energies, and their differences.
As we all know, there are masculine females, and feminine men. There is nothing wrong with this, but people with masculine qualities will attract people with feminine qualities and vice-versa. I surmise that a perfect balance can really only be achieved with a most-manly man, in touch with is feminine side, and a feminine lady, in touch with her masculine size, as reflected in a YIN-YANG symbol. Both energies are required to fulfill the symbol of perfect harmony. Each piece is uniquely made to compliment the other, creating a mutually beneficial balance, that can not be achieved without each polar opposite power forging together to create a new, unique and even more powerful and beautiful energy.
So the mystery has been solved, opposites really do attract? Actually… Not really. In part II we will explore why “the opposite’s attract” notion is a double-edged sword in the world of dating and gender interaction.
It is pretty common knowledge that opposites attract. We know that magnets with opposite polarity attract, so the common cliche is actually a law of nature. However, rather than boring you with scientific evidence to prove this is true, let me cut right to the chase: In part one of this article, I argued that opposites do attract, and both the feminine energy and the masculine energy are required for attraction to occur (which is mostly an inexplicable chemistry) and for a fulfilling relationship to ensue.
But don’t birds of a feather flock together? And don’t people who “have so much in common” usually have successful relationships? Sure they do. But this contradicts what I’ve been saying all along. Is it similarities or differences that are the key to a perfectly balanced union? Therein lies the important question, which actually has a much more simple answer than one might think.
According to a University of Iowa study on mating issues (mating based on similar or opposite characteristics), which studied 291 newlyweds that had participated in the Iowa Marital Assessment Project, researchers found with very strong evidence that people tend to marry those who are similar in attitudes, religion and values. They also found that these were the main reasons why people got married. However, it is similarity in personality that appears to be more important in having a happy marriage. The findings appear in the February 2005 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, published by the American Psychological Association (APA). The couples were assessed on a broad range of personality characteristics, attitudes and relationship quality indicators.
The research suggested that, “there is no evidence that opposites attract.” The study was fascinating and comprehensive, but their conclusion wasn’t. The word “attraction” usually refers to the initial feelings a person has that spark an interest in the other. So in the realms of courting dating and sexuality, being opposite and different, is fulfilling in many ways. Mystery, anticipation and excitement, curiosity and adventure all come from experiencing something different. Sure opposites clash, but that is often where the sparks and the passion is created. You can create heat without any friction (know what I mean?)
This is where many couples that start off well go really wrong. Many relationships are built on the foundation of sexual attraction or simply lust. Those are fleeting feelings and certainly not enough to make a relationship work. If people don’t want the same things, or have different values and beliefs, the relationship is bound for failure.
Personality and attitude similarities are VERY important also. But these characteristics often come out later, as a relationship progresses and eventually settles. Frequently people are too involved by the time they realize the differences and people often “settle” while feeling unfulfilled.
Opposites attract in dating, courting and during escalated sexual tension, but opposites certainly clash when it comes to personality, attitudes and values. So to have the best of both worlds, you must establish and lay out your beliefs, values and what you want out of life right away. Masculine energies and feminine energies are opposites, but do not cause harmful and destructive clashes in relationships when they are balanced out.
About the Author
"Jack of all trades and master of none"... Luigi Di Serio is an ad hoc, freelance writer and web site developer who owns over 100 web sites! Holding a degree in Urban Planning and specializing in strategic business intelligence, security, espionage, sociology and human interactionism (including relationship).