Copyright 2005 Fran Hendrick
"I'm not worried about what I want; I just want to make sure that everyone else has what they want."
It's an unspoken chorus of women who have been raised to believe that being "selfless" is their greatest gift to the world.
Underneath it lurks a great fear.
"If my family knew how I really feel or if I insisted on what I want, they would stop loving me!"
As women, many of us were taught that being valued by others means leaving ourselves behind. We quickly learn to act in ways that are inconsistent with our own beliefs and feelings in order to avoid displeasing people whom we love and need. What a paradox! For in order to be truly valued by another, we must present an authentic self, not a façade designed to avoid rejection. Authenticity is the sine qua non of true connection with others, and yet it is our fear of disconnection that drives us to hide our real thoughts and feelings, i.e. to reject ourselves. What a joy to suddenly understand that fully becoming the person you are meant to be is actually the very best way to serve others!
The fact is, by fully defining and appreciating ourselves, we naturally become empowered to release our unique gifts and dreams into our work and our relationships, and to achieve joy and flow in our lives. The people we care about are best served when we are acting from wholeness, not by our “playing a part” in an attempt to please them. Only when we allow our individual sparks to glow is the Universe at its brightest.
Those who resonate with a spiritual approach may connect with the words of minister, teacher and author, Mary Manin Morrissey. In a recent interview with fitness expert Suzy Prudden, Ms. Morrissey emphasized the importance of discovering the essence of who we really are, that is, spiritual beings having a human experience. She went on to state that self acceptance is necessary in order to lead a joyful life. Essential to that self acceptance, is the recognition that we are more than the sum of our roles and our experiences. "Who I am," she says, "is more than my story."
Co-founder of the Association for Global New Thought, Mary has twice spoken at the United Nations and co-convened conferences with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Ms. Morrissey offers an optimistic perspective on the challenges of life. Happiness and freedom, she teaches, do not derive from what happens to us, but rather from what we do with what happens to us. Our ability to shape our own perspective gives us the personal power to shape our experience of our lives.
For a rare opportunity to join in a conversation with Mary Manin Morrissey, author of Building Your Field of Dreams and No Less Than Greatness, join the upcoming CoachVille Cafe Expert Call. To learn more about this special event, go to http://tinyurl.com/6haeg and scroll down to the expert call.
About the Author
Fran Hendrick, M.Ed., P.C.C., life coach and counselor, specializes in a highly creative and light-hearted approach to helping women of all ages make the profound changes they need in order to lead lives they love to wake up to. Visit www.womens-life-design-coaching.com to sign up for the “Wake Up to a Life You Love!” e-letter.