As you reach for that moment of purchase euphoria does your credit card look up at you as if to say, "Seriously?" Is your closet jammed with never worn clothing, handbags, jewelry, cosmetics and shoes? Is your home, garage, attic or office bursting with DVDs, electronics, tools, memorabilia, art, or other collectibles?
If so, you may be a shopaholic queen or a collector king.
Women shop. Men collect.
According to Psychology Today, at least 18 million Americans compulsively shop. It is the unhealthy addiction that very few people talk about. Shop 'til you drop is a favorite female mantra. Men generally want to die with the most toys. The more I have, the more I am.
Advertisers come get in front of us using the myriad of media platforms available today with the unifying message of:
"You're not good enough unless you buy my product."
Or -
"You may die if you don't buy my product."
We are told - and what's worse, we believe - we are not good or safe enough as we already are.
Bollocks!
Yet, men and women risk their financial well-being, jobs and relationships to get the pleasurable rush achieved through a new acquisition can seemingly deliver. Not being 'enough' is a fate worse than death. Those in the throws of the impulse to buy Find Excuses And Reasons (the acronym for FEAR) to justify their latest prize. Men and women alike will hide some purchases or lie to themselves, friends and loved ones about the small fortunes that went to 'had to buy' deals.
I've written about the shopaholic before. That article prompted several men to contact me because they recognized their own 'collecting' patterns in my articles and blog posts. I'm addressing the issue again because it is important to look at it from the general male point of view.
Once reluctant to consider their pride and joy in their collections as a mask for inner angst, men are now starting to realize that these very same prized possessions ultimately provided anything but a tired reflection of a life unfulfilled. Men are just as influenced by the zeitgeist of today's consumerism.
It is futile to think this addiction can be overcome by going 'cold turkey'. Such buying behavior is a woefully misguided attempt to fill a deep chasm of inner emptiness. It is throwing blanket on top of blanket to quash a burning aching emotional pain. The feeling of "I'm not good, sophisticated, successful, or whatever enough" is still there. Without getting to and transforming the painful triggers, it takes more and more blankets, more and more things, women, electronics, cars, titles to numb the pain.
If you notice more than a few hang tags still clinging to purchases made months ago - or if you no longer have room in your garage for your car - its time for a new pain killer. Buying clearly isn't working as a treatment of choice.
Wake up! Stop reacting to emotional triggers that cause you to whip out your credit card faster than Doc Holiday on his best gunslinging day. Instead of a trip to Home Depot or spending endless hours combing the Internet for your next spending 'hit, get lasting fulfillment by feeding your soul instead of your shelves.
The Moxie Prescription for the Shopaholic Queen and the Collector King:
Start by improving your relationship with yourself. Owning your pain is not a weakness. It is the strength of your true essence crying out to you to wake up to your emotional needs. If you want to be loved, start by loving your self - all of you.
Claim Your Truth
Turn your inner compass in the direction of who your heart is calling you to become instead of what you want to have. Stuff does not define an individual. People are valued by how they show up in life. What choices they make, what contributions they offer and what gifts they share.
Own Your Power Align your thoughts, emotions, choices and actions with what you value. Get to the truth of your feelings and experience. This gifts does not come wrapped up with a big bow. It comes in the lessons learned and innate wisdom passed on to others for the greater good of all.
Command Your Stage
Master your opportunities. People are remembered by their impact, not their overstuffed vaults. How do you want to be remembered? Think, speak and act in alignment with that truth.