by: Neil Millar
There is one thing you want...
My guess is you want it so badly that you crave it - hunger it.
And if you got it, your whole life would light up like the sky during a firework display. The thing is you don’t actually know you want it - well you do, but you won’t know it until you’ve got it, and until you get it, you’ll just notice a great big void in your life. I’ll explain.
One thing we all love, above almost anything else, is the admiration and appreciation of our parents, partners and peers. To do something and be told, ‘well done” or ‘I’m proud of you’ or ‘I respect you for making such a great effort’ just means so much. But how do you get it?
Easy... give it.
Giving what you want often gets you what you want. Below I’m going to retell a story one of my clients told me after a coaching session on giving appreciation.
“Each in turn, five of us, we all said what we thought, really speaking out from the heart.
I looked at my Mum, the person getting all the attention, sitting two seats away from me at the dining table, tears welling up in her eyes and chin quivering slightly.
I realised then that it had been too long since she’s heard a decent, heart-felt compliment. ‘I appreciate the way you put yourself out,’ I said. ‘I appreciate how you always make me feel welcome,’ my fiancee said. ‘I appreciate the way you’re always there,’ my dad said. And then it was the turn of her grandchildren.
Her ten year-old Grandson said, ‘I appreciate your sandwiches’ and her four year-old Granddaughter chirped up. ‘I appreciate your hair.’
From that day on we decided to have an appreciation session on every birthday, every Father’s Day and Mother’s Day too. And I have to say these events really have taken on a new and more special meaning.
On my birthday I couldn’t wait to hear all the nice things people thought of me. And silly as this may sound I’d have rather had their compliments than the presents - though the presents were really nice too! But here is something I’ve discovered that is really powerful. Compliments are like fairy dust - magic!”
What a great story. Sprinkle that fairy dust on your travels and watch the magic in your world. People smile at you, people compliment you back. Some look at you, bewildered: the grumpy cashier at the bank and the family member that might not have compliments gets complimented.