Get Drama and Trauma Out of Your Karma
You finally make a friend or get a hot date with someone you're
attracted to-then blow it by acting aloof or not being yourself.
Have you ever had the experience of deciding to take a certain
action, but end up doing something quite different? Crazy! Why
do we do that? Often our actions are being run by decisions we
made as a kid. Decisions that went on automatic, underground,
behind-the-scenes, and now, affect us unconsciously. Decisions
that are now controlling our actions in the present moment
without us being aware of them.
You land an exciting job-then blow it by "copping an attitude"
with the boss or customers.
Why do we get so off track after we begin with such good
intention and courage? It's those pesky childhood decisions! As
we grew up, we developed strategies to survive at home and in
school. We wanted our parents' love and attention and a safe
place to live. We wanted to belong, get asked to the prom, and
pass exams-while not getting beaten up by the school bully or
humiliated by gossip.
We decided to act in certain ways to keep ourselves as socially
acceptable and secure as possible.
Congratulations, You Succeeded!
The survival strategies you developed as a kid worked! These
behavior patterns were good, positive, beneficial, even
brilliant. They succeeded in doing the job they were designed to
do in that situation at that time. The proof-you're reading this.
These tactics kept you alive! Perhaps a bit bruised, but still
breathing. Breathing, but maybe not as happy as you could be.
Once a Friend-Now a Foe
Have you noticed you're still using some of the same behavioral
strategies to get what you want as an adult that you used in
your youth?
Playing naive. Being passive-aggressive. Manipulative. Moody.
Sarcastic. Confused. Spacey. Overly sexy. Other kid tactics:
Pouting. Flirting. Whining. Complaining. Hiding. Running away.
Giving up. Fantasizing. Acting dumb. Having accidents. Getting
sick. Playing tough. Acting the fool. Telling white lies. Acting
like a victim. Pretending you're someone you're not.
Do these tactics work currently in your adult life to create
what you really want-loving mutual relationships, lasting
support from people and the universe, vibrant health, boundless
energy, real joy? Usually not! Since the circumstances and
nature of our adult challenges have changed dramatically since
we were young, most kid strategies are no longer appropriate or
effective. In fact, these old tactics now get in the way of
reaching our goals.
Why Don't Childhood Successes Work for Adults?
Because any behavior that is unconscious and automatic can't
adjust to new, different and changing situations. So, these
conditioned childhood survival strategies come back to haunt us
when we use them as adults-like disruptive ghosts from the past.
As adults, we still seek to be liked, to be included, and to
make the grade at work. But instead of applying fresh intuitive
responses that are appropriate to the current challenges, we are
on autopilot-unconsciously controlled by the programmed
decisions we made to deal with the trauma and drama of our
childhood.
Here are two real-life examples my friend Sulana shares from her
life that demonstrate how childhood decisions affect the way we
create life in the present:
The Great Pretender
"When I was young, my punishment du jour was being sent to my
room. My room became a safe haven from the rantings and
irrational behavior of my alcoholic parents. To lessen the
scoldings and whippings, I quickly learned to stay silent about
what I felt or observed. I naturally created strategies to keep
myself as safe as possible: hiding my feelings, telling white
lies, using sarcasm, and spending lots of time alone. And I
discovered I got attention from my parents by getting ill or
acting confused. So, I developed asthma and played dumb.
"Now as an adult, I long for honest, expressive relationships
with co-workers and employers-and playful, truthful
relationships with friends and lovers. But my own unconscious
behavior sabotages the openness and intimacy I so deeply desire.
I try to get people to talk about themselves without revealing
anything about myself. I pretend to not know information that I
do know. And I look for attention and love from other people by
getting sick and playing helpless and spacey."
The Ex-Flower Child
"At first my new job delivering flowers was right up my alley. I
enjoyed the time driving gave me to be with myself. Then the
management changed our original agreement and required that I
work more hours and drive longer distances for less pay. Running
on my childhood programming, I kept my resentment to myself and
became moody. I felt like a victim, taken advantage of,
powerless. I pouted and whined to myself. When I talked to the
boss, I was angry and copped an attitude. It wasn't long before
I got fired."
Who's the You Who Makes You Do?
What do YOU do to try to make friends, stay safe, fit in, be
loved? Until we undo these conditioned strategies, the decisions
we made when we were children run all aspects of our lives in
the present: from relationships and health to finances and work.
You can easily discover the automatic behaviors that are running
you. Scan through your life. Make a list of the challenges you
encountered throughout your life. What are the specific, unique
problems you had to face at your home, school, college, job-and
with your parents, relatives, friends, teachers and co-workers?
What personal strategies did you develop to get yourself through
the challenges of your journey? Are you still using similar
tactics? Are these approaches successful?
Intuition to the Rescue
The good news is that when you identify the past programmed
strategies that don't work in your present life, you can create
new strategies that do work. The once necessary kid tactics that
kept you safe and balanced-like training wheels of a bicycle-can
be discarded. You are now capable of keeping yourself balanced
and safe using the guiding wisdom of your intuition and acquired
life experience.
Successful Alternatives Surround You
Exciting and playful alternative strategies are all around you.
Lots of people have discovered original, creative ways of
dealing with situations similar to yours. Fresh ideas and models
are demonstrated in the lives of truly happy and successful
people. With keen eyes and perked ears, you can glean fun and
compassionate life strategies from biographies, interviews, TV,
movies, books, news, magazines and advice columns. Seek out a
mentor, shaman or other personal advisor. Let your intuition
guide you to an inspiring workshop or professional coach.
Good luck. Have a good time creating new approaches to life that
work!
After what you've been through, you deserve it!
About the Author
Drawing from the wisdom of native and ancient spiritual traditions, Keith Varnum shares his 30 years of practical success as an author, personal coach, acupuncturist, filmmaker, radio host, restaurateur, vision quest guide and international seminar leader (The Dream Workshops). Keith helps people get the love, money and health they want with his FREE “Prosperity Ezine” at www.TheDream.com.