Copyright (c) Victoria Elizabeth 2004. All rights reserved.
ODD JOBS
Or, what to do while "Waiting for Godot"...
While some may say, "the world is going to Hades in a handbasket", I say "piffle!"
First, Hades isn't even on my "To Do" list for today or, for that matter, tomorrow. Second, "handbaskets" are only for those who enjoy carrying coals to Newcastle or some other Fool's Paradise.
Anyway, I prefer to think that life is what you make of it. So, enjoy every minute. And, when you've finished your "bowl full of cherries", fear not, there will be plenty of "pleasure pits" to enjoy, just mark my words!
Not one to gather moss under my feet, or pout about what to do while "Waiting for Godot", I've decided to share with you some odd jobs I've had to justify my existence, (but more importantly...my jam and peanut butter).
You'll note that none of the positions mentioned below have appeared in the newspaper under the heading, "jobs wanted". That's not surprising. After all, why would women want to reveal how to preserve their sanity amidst the chaos and clutter left behind by the magnificent men from Mars? (But that's another tangential story, worth at least one chapter in my next book, "Cautionary Tales from Martian Caves".
Where was I?...ah yes, the "odd" jobs:
Whine & Cheese Party Hostess
Wing-It & Wet-Nurse Wonder Woman
Lost-and-Found Monitor & Bumbershoot Locator
Little Rubber Ducky Fundraiser
Fly-Swatting Summer Camp Counsellor
Bruxism Buster and Tooth Fairy Stand-In
Accredited Waffle Stomper & Bucker-Upper
Out-On-A-Limb Branch Coordinator
"Father-Knows-Best" Policy Analyst
Unplanned Gift Advisor to the Stork
Gourmet Bubble and Squeak Chef
Jolly Green Thumber
Petty Communications Officer
Brown Betty Botcherist
Escape Goat
Bugaboo Pest Control Officer
Troll Emergency Preparedness Planner
Merry-Making Missionary
Brown Bag Content Provider & Packing Specialist
Pet Rock Watcher & Hard Rock Player
Volunteer Burning Bush & Bucket Brigade Member
Medusa Makeover Artist
Bite the Bullet & Biscuit Project Leader
Dust Bunny Control Inspector
Pointy-Hat Designer & Gothic Clothing Seamstress
Certified Broomstick Operator
Brownie Point Counter
Horse Sense Philosopher
Magpie Manager
Road-Less-Travelled Recruiter
Suppository & Support Hosery Consultant
Snooze Alarmist
Prince Valiant & Prince Charming Skills Evaluator
Spotless Throne Room & Stop-Watch Housekeeping Director
Red Ribbon Recycler & Return Merchandise Expert
Stickey Wicket & Bad Karma Turnaround Tactician
Licensed Perfectionist & Procrastinator
Bungle-Conscious Breadwinner & Part-Time Banshee
Registered Owner of a Sling-Shot
Legal Pot Shot Shooter
Supreme Goddess of Glitch in the Wicked Wench Covey
Bluffoligist, Blurtologist & Bumpfologist
"The One And Only Boisterous Ballyhooing Bucksheeist"
So, when the boo-boos and lumps of life start getting you down, just put things into perspective. And don't forget, a little levity always defies gravity!
About the Author
Victoria Elizabeth, can usually be found musing about little things in Life, the Universe, and Everything In Between from her blather-skating blog aptly called, "The Quipping Queen", at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com