by: Skye Thomas
When you're searching for your Mr. Right, I want you to pay close attention to his laugh. It may seem odd for me to say that, but you can tell a lot about a man by his laugh. Real laughter is uncontrollable. For just a moment something strikes us as funny and the sound of laughter pours forth spontaneously and without any real control on our part. It bubbles up and gives away the secret part of us that thinks the event or situation presented is funny. Laughter can be faked, but that's part of what I want you to analyze when you're listening to his laughter.
First of all is his laughter real or fake? You can always tell when someone has one of those completely goofy laughs that nobody in their right mind would choose to have those silly sounding laughs that cause everyone else to laugh too. You've also heard those completely fake laughs that sound like a bad actor in a Dudley DoRight play! Most people have fairly normal sounding laughs and they are spontaneous. If the guy you're interested in fakes his laugh occasionally to laugh at a small child's attempt to tell a joke, that's okay. But, if he fakes his laugh on a regular basis, I would seriously question his overall ability to present his authentic self to the world. You may or may not feel like analyzing why he's faking it, but it's important to note if he's presenting a false joviality to the world on a regular basis.
Does he laugh easily? I've met a few men who had serious anger and violence issues. They don't laugh easily. Also, guys going through depression and other darker emotions obviously aren't going to laugh as easily as someone who's naturally happy and at peace with his life. The brooding silent type may seem sexy for awhile, but in the long run, you're going to want to have some lightness and fun in your life too. It gets to be a real bore to hang out with someone who's always incredibly serious and entertaining darker thoughts.
Does he laugh at people or with people? Nobody likes to be made fun of, but this has more to do with what your man finds as funny. Does he find humor in ridiculing others? Does he laugh at others because everyone is incredibly foolish or stupid in his eyes? Is he constantly critiquing people looking for a reason to laugh at them? It doesn't matter how witty or funny his presentation, it's not a good sign if your man takes his personal pleasure in laughing at others. You also don't want someone who constantly makes himself the butt of all jokes either. I've always found an underlying self esteem issue when people spend a lot of time making fun of themselves. That's not the same as being able to laugh at ones mistakes on occasion. I'm talking about habitually devaluing one's self. Also, is he able to find joy in someone else's jokes? You don't want someone who only laughs at his own jokes and nobody else's.
Does the sound of his laughter fill you with joy? Listen to the actual sound of his laughter. Does the sound make your heart go pitter patter? It doesn't matter if he sounds like thunder on a summer day or if he giggles like a little girl! What matters is that his laughter is infectious and makes your heart lighten. Imagine coming home from a really bad day at work. Upon entering the house, you hear his laughter coming from the kitchen. Does that sound lift your spirits? Or infuriate you even more? You want to be with someone who's laughter makes your heart sing. Laughter is the best medicine and you want to chose a man who's laughter heals your weary mind.
Do you laugh at the same things? Yes, you want to be your own person with your own interests and your own unique sense of self, but you also want to share good times with your partner. You need to pick someone who has a similar sense of humor to your own. There's nothing worse then having your partner roll their eyes like you're so uncool every time you burst out laughing. What determines a person's sense of humor is wide and varied, including upbringing and level of education. If you share the same overall sense of humor, chances are that you are fairly compatible in those areas. You're somewhat on the same wave length.
Do you laugh at the same time? You want to pretty much agree on when is the proper time and place for goofing around and making each other laugh. If he likes to crack jokes and laugh a lot during foreplay and you find it to be a total turn off, then you're going to have problems. If he keeps laughing at your girlfriends when you're trying to have a serious conversation, then you're not going to get along so well. This also works in the other direction. If you're the one who is constantly laughing and joking and he's the one getting upset that your timing is inappropriate, then you're not going to like hanging out with a fuddy duddy. Compatibility shows itself in little things like timing.
If you've already got a guy and you're considering spending the rest of your life with him, start watching his laughter. Decide if the things you see are what you want in a lifetime companion. If you don't have a man, imagine sitting at the kitchen table over coffee and hearing his laughter at something witty you've just said. How would it sound? How would it feel to be in his presence when he was laughing? Look for a man who's laughter heals you rather than grates on your nerves. And make sure you both laugh together and often. It'll get you both through the tough times.
Copyright 2004, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge