by: Danek Kaus
What is Rapport and why is it so important? Rapport is the foundation of persuasion. It is probably the most powerful persuasion tool you can have in any setting.
With rapport everything is possible. Without it, nothing is possible.
We’ve all had an experience of interacting with someone where there is an immediate sense of liking each other. It is easier to like someone when you have rapport, but liking someone is not the same thing as rapport. In fact you can create rapport with someone you don’t like. Nor is it necessary for them to like you in order to create rapport.
Rapport is not so much liking as it is responsiveness. You’ve probably interacted with people who’ve been aggressive, and you responded aggressively. The two of you go back and forth in a dance of hostility. Believe it or not, that is a form of rapport, but probably not the kind you’re looking for.
You may have heard the phrase, “People like people who are like themselves.” It is easier to have rapport with someone who may share such similarities as culture, education, height and hair color. But what happens when people from different cultures with different hair color interact?
How to you develop rapport with someone who is very different from you? You become like that person on much subtler levels. Rapport is created by some of the things you do, by what you say and how you say it.
Rapport can allow you to interact so effectively with someone that you become friends in a very short time. If that is what you are seeking, great. However, if you are trying to make a sale, you may get so distracted talking about other things that you forget the reason for your visit and walk out empty handed. So remember your reason for creating rapport in the first place.
INSTANT RAPPORT
Now it’s time to learn some specific techniques that can help you create rapport with just about anyone in a matter of seconds. Two of the most basic and easiest to master are Mirroring and Matching.
MIRRORING
Mirroring is doing the same types of body behaviors as someone else as though you are looking at yourself in a mirror. When you are facing someone, if they cross their left leg, you cross your right leg, in effect creating a mirror image of their body position. If the person you are with leans to the right in their chair, you lean to your left, again creating a mirror image.
WARNING: Do not mirror someone immediately. Wait three to five seconds and then gradually move. If you mirror someone immediately, she will think you are mimicking her and become offended. If you adjust your body gradually, she will not notice what you are doing,. But you have to mirror her exactly.
MATCHING
Matching is doing the same thing that somebody else is doing with their body. If he crosses his left leg, you cross your left leg, and so on, after waiting three to five seconds.
Some of you may not feel comfortable mirroring and matching another person. Too bad. It is not how comfortable you feel that matters but how comfortable you make the other person feel. If you are not willing to feel uncomfortable, consider the unspoken message of not being willing to mirror and match: “I am only willing to be with you just so much, I am not comfortable enough with you to give up myself.”
Ask yourself this question: Do I want to be someone that other people feel comfortable around? If the answer is yes, then start mirroring and matching.
The results will amaze you.
NEXT TIME: Rapport and the Magic of VAK
Adapted from the new book, “Power Persuasion: Using Hypnotic Influence in Life, Love and Business,” by David R. Barron and Danek S. Kaus.
Copyright 2005 Danek Kaus